The Uncertainty Difficulty
by Risknight
Summary: Sheldon cut everyone out of his life after everything he had worked for, dreamed of or stood for was destroyed by his friends two years ago. When he learns that Penny has been hospitalized, he drops everything to return to Pasadena and help her. There's just one problem. Penny hates him.
1. Chapter 1

**I have begun this on at the start of season 3. Sheldon was devastated by the way his friends betrayed not only him, but his life's work. The Arctic research he had been so eager to pursue, with his friends firmly by his side, had ended in catastrophe. With his reputation destroyed and his friends uncaring, he made a major change. He left California. Now, two years later, he's about to be drawn back into the life of a friend he left behind…**

He sipped through the side door and headed up the stairs. He didn't bother acknowledging anyone he passed in the hallway. He had no real friends here in Helsinki. He had no friends, period. Friends were untrustworthy. Friends betrayed you. Only one person other than his beloved, deceased Meemaw had ever been absolutely, unwaveringly true to him, and he had cut ties with her long before she had a chance to hurt him. He unlocked the door to his little efficiency apartment and hung up his jacket.

He sat at his little kitchen table and opened his email. He was expecting a reply from a colleague about his latest research results. Instead he found four missives from his sister, three from his mom and eight junk emails. He deleted the lot without reading any of them. He was just reaching for a bottle of water when his home phone rang. He reached out and picked up the receiver.

"Hello?" he barked out.

"Sheldon Cooper?" He didn't recognize the voice, but maybe that was due to the stress evident in the person's tone.

"Yes. Who is this?"

"My name is Bernadette Rostenkowski. I'm a friend of Penny Queen's. Please don't hang up!"

Sheldon closed his eyes and sighed deeply. It had been almost 2 years since he had seen Penny. Almost a year since he had received the last email from her. "Ms. Rostenkowski, why have you called me?"

"There's been an accident," she sobbed. "Please! Penny needs you!"

The phone dropped from his suddenly nerveless fingers. Penny? Accident? Sheldon's mind was having trouble putting those two words together. He could vaguely hear a squeaking voice coming from the dangling receiver. After a couple of seconds he picked it back up.

"Ms. Rostenkowski," he said loudly, trying to speak over her almost hysterical ranting, "please listen to me. I need a number so I can contact you. I must make some arrangements, and then I will call you back."

She rattled off a cell number and he repeated it back to her. "Okay, now listen to me very carefully. Do not tell anyone I am returning. I do not want to have to deal with former ...friends."

"Okay," she said with a hiccup. "Thank you."

Sheldon hung up and dragged a hand down his face. How could he go back to Pasadena? But Penny was hurt. He should have asked the young woman exactly what had happened. He had been so stunned, though, that he hadn't even asked for details. He picked back up the phone and called the one person he could think of who might be able to help him.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon stepped through the gate into the airport and looked around the large crowd. He looked halfway around the lobby before he spotted her. She was looking stern, and not very welcoming. He didn't really care. All he cared about was that she was there. He walked over, adjusting his travel bag's shoulder strap. "Hello, Missy."

She crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm not here for you, Shelly. I'm here for Penny."

He nodded calmly. "As long as you are here. Let's go."

Missy frowned slightly. "Where's the rest of your luggage?"

He indicated his carry on. "This is it. Now, I have an 11 o'clock appointment with Mr. Lawrence. I do not want to be late."

Missy followed him out of the airport. "Your lawyer? I thought we were going to the hospital."

Sheldon nodded. "We will. But there is a very important paper I need to collect first. Mr. Lawrence is expecting me."

Missy watched her brother carefully as they walked to her car. He carried himself differently than she had ever seen him before. He was not hunched over. His steps were long and swift. She was having to practically sprint to keep up. What had he been through in the last two years that had changed him so much?

**XXXXX**

The lawyer was not only expecting them, but actively waiting on them. The moment they walked in, he approached with an envelope in his hands. "Dr. Cooper, I have the paperwork you require. I also took the liberty of arranging for a hotel room at the Westin Pasadena Hotel. The other papers you wanted me to look into will take another day to complete."

Sheldon nodded as if he had expected all of this. "I'll return tomorrow at noon, then."

Without another word Sheldon turned and walked away. Missy caught the flash of relief that crossed the lawyer's face before hurrying to follow her brother. He directed her to drive to the hotel so he could check in and change before going to the hospital. Missy bit her lip several times, trying to decide how to broach a conversation with her own brother. She was surprised when Sheldon began talking.

"I realize you are angry with me. I cut myself off from everyone when I left. I don't expect you to understand, but it was necessary. I never stopped caring about you or Mom. But I needed to start over. I was devastated, Missy. Physically, mentally, and emotionally. The man I trusted more than any other had stabbed me in the back. My first real friends, and they had betrayed me. I could have withstood that, but they had also betrayed science. They betrayed everything I stood for. And when their betrayal was exposed, they expected me to just get over it. They saw nothing wrong with what they had done. They even blamed me for their actions, saying that I drove them to it." Sheldon's voice had been devoid of any emotion at all as he spoke. But now, his voice cracked and he took a shuddering breath.

"And worst of all? They took the one actual friend, the one really true friend I had away from me. Leonard bound Penny to him and I knew that she would chose her love for Leonard over her friendship with me."

Missy had an epiphany at that moment. For two years she had assumed that Sheldon had run away. She thought he had ran and hid halfway around the world out of cowardice. How wrong she had been. He hadn't been hiding. He had been healing. He had been rebuilding his confidence and self esteem. And in the midst of all that, he had cut himself off from the one person who really mattered to him. Penny.

She pulled into the parking space near the hotel and turned to her brother. "Shelly, you didn't have to do it all alone. Don't you know that you could count on me and Mom? On Penny? We care about you. We would have done anything to help you."

Sheldon looked at Missy calmly. "I needed to do it by myself, Missy. I needed to start over and the only way for _me_ to do so, was to do it alone. If I had stayed, I would have regressed. I was barely a man as it was. I had grown up physically, but emotionally I was barely more than a child." Missy started to shake her head but Sheldon held up a hand, palm out. "You and I both know I'm right. I had routines and schedules in place to keep my life in stasis. Because I was afraid. I was afraid that if I grew, if I changed, I would lose the few friends I had."

Sheldon placed a hand on the door handle. "The last two years has been hard. I didn't just step out of my comfort zone. I completely abandoned it. And as a result, I am a different man now. Today is not going to be easy, Missy. What I plan on doing is going to cause a lot of anger, resentment and possibly result in an even greater rift between me and my former friends. I want you to know that what I do, I do for Penny's benefit. Whatever has happened these last two years, I still care about her welfare. I will do whatever I can to make sure she recovers fully."

Missy studied him carefully. The confidence and determination she saw reassured her. She nodded sharply. "Okay. I'll do whatever I can to help."

Sheldon nodded and opened the door. He needed to clean up before he faced Penny or anyone else.


	2. Chapter 2

**Sheldon moved halfway across the world after the Arctic expedition disaster. It's been almost two years since he set foot in Pasadena. **

He opened the door to the waiting room and stepped inside. Everyone in the room turned toward him. Some were curious, some were hostile, at least one was hopeful. A petite blond with glasses hurried over.

"Sheldon? I'm Bernadette," she said quickly. "Thank you for coming."

He nodded, watching the others in the room over her head. Leonard was glaring at him. Raj and Howard were looking at him with surprise. The older couple, Penny's parents he assumed, were watching the doctor flip through some papers. Sheldon moved around Bernadette and approached the doctor. Leonard stepped in front of him aggressively.

"What are you doing here?!"

Sheldon ignored the question, pushing past Leonard. He held out the envelope to the doctor who looked at him questioningly. "My name is Doctor Sheldon Cooper. I am Penelope Queen's power of attorney. Any further decisions about her care will be made by me." The doctor looked at Penny's parents with confusion so Sheldon moved to block his view. "I would like to look over her chart and then we will discuss her treatment options. How soon can I see her?"

"Just what the hell are you doing?" Leonard demanded.

"Who are you?" Wyatt asked aggressively.

Sheldon ignored Leonard and turned to face Penny's father. "As I said, I am Penny's power of attorney. She gave me the power to make medical and financial decisions in the case she was unable to do so. I am here to fulfill that obligation."

"When the hell did Penny do that?" Leonard demanded angrily.

Sheldon looked at him blandly, finally acknowledging the experimental physicist. "Before the Arctic trip. We all made her ours, and in return she made me hers."

Leonard's skin paled. His voice lost it's arrogance and sounded befuddled. "Why you?"

He looked down his nose at his bespectacled former friend. "Because she knew she could trust me."

An uncomfortable silence descended on everyone as Leonard slumped and looked away. The doctor cleared his throat. "Miss Queen is asleep at the moment. She should wake up in three hours. She is on some very strong sedatives." Dr. Green looked at the young woman's parents apologetically, but he had seen enough PoA's to know this one was valid. Especially since it was accompanied by a letter from a very well known lawyer. "She should wake up around 4 pm."

Sheldon nodded once. "I have some arrangements to make, so I shall return then. Please have that chart ready for my perusal then." He turned toward the door, but Leonard grabbed his arm.

"You can't do this!" he yelled. "You can't just waltz back into our lives after two years and take over!"

Sheldon sneered and jerked his arm from Leonard's grasp. "I'm not back in your life," he growled. "I'm in _hers_. And you have no say in it."

Mrs. Queen walked over slowly. She looked up at Sheldon questioningly. "You're the beautiful mind, aren't you? The one Penny was always talking about." Beside her, Leonard suddenly looked ill. Mrs. Queen reached out and placed her hand on his forearm. "Can you help her? Can you help my little girl?" she asked, on the verge of tears.

Sheldon sighed and placed his hand over Penny's mother's. "I cannot make you any guarantees, ma'am. I can only say that I will do everything in my power to make her well. I will not give up. I will not allow her to give up, either."

Wyatt cleared his throat with embarrassment. "We don't have a lot of money, but we have a lot of land. We can get a loan…"

Sheldon held up a hand. "I have not, nor will I, ask you for money."

"Why?" asked Mrs. Queen softly.

He looked down into hazel eyes so very much like Penny's. "Because she is the best friend I ever had. I will not abandon her, because she would never have abandoned me."

Leonard shook his head frantically. "You can't let him do this! He doesn't care about her! He's only after revenge!"

Wyatt looked at him steadily. "I don't care why he helps Penny, as long as he does. Nothing matters to me but getting my daughter healthy again."

"You're a bastard," Leonard snarled at Sheldon before storming out. Howard and Raj looked around the room uncomfortably before slowly following him out.

Sheldon turned to Bernadette. "Let's go somewhere we can talk," he said calmly. Bernadette nodded and quickly hugged Mrs. Queen before leading him and Missy out of the waiting room.

**XXXXX**

They settled into chairs around the small patio table near the hotel pool. Bernadette sighed and looked at the physicist. "Penny talked about you all the time," she said softly. "She said you are the smartest man she has ever known. That you are going to change the world one day." She grabbed a tissue from her purse and dabbed at her eyes. "She'd read three or four science web sites every day looking for your work. It's how she and I became closer. We both work at the restaurant, and were vaguely friendly. I'm in graduate school for microbiology and she began asking me to explain what she was reading to her. Within weeks we were hanging out all the time."

Sheldon's expression was stunned. "Penny was studying science? Keeping up with me?"

Bernadette nodded sadly. "Every time she ran across your name, she would smile for days. The paper you wrote about the possibilities of multiverses last year was very impressive." She looked down at her hands tearing little strips from the tissue. "I think that's when she began to quit."

Missy frowned slightly. "Quit what?"

Bernadette gave a small shrug. "Living." She looked up at Sheldon apprehensively. "She said it made perfect sense to her. That she was in the wrong 'verse. She was trapped in a 'verse where she was never going to reach her potential. She said that was why she had failed at everything she ever tried. Because in this 'verse, she was destined to fail, to never be anyone special, to never be happy."

Sheldon felt ill. His stomach rolled and he had to swallow several times to keep the bile down. His work had caused this?

Bernadette must have seen it in his eyes. She quickly shook her head. "No! It's not your fault. I tried, several times, to reassure her that she was wrong. To explain that she was looking at it wrong. But before I could convince her, she got sick."

Sheldon frowned. "Sick? What do you mean?"

"I knew she hadn't told you," Bernadette said wearily. "I told her she should, and she swore she would. I should have done it myself."

He clutched the edge of the table, instinctively knowing this was huge. "Tell me. I get the feeling we are not discussing a simple cold or chicken pox."

Bernadette brushed away the tears threatening to fall. "Penny got a voice role for an anime show. She flew to Japan for two weeks of recording. While she was there she ended up sick from mild mercury poisoning from some fish she ate. She went to the hospital and got treated. But they drew blood from her with a machine that was malfunctioning. It wasn't discarding the used needles, but reusing them. She has Hepatitis C." Sheldon paled and Missy gasped in alarm. Bernadette nodded. "She's being treated for it, but it's not going so well. When she found out what had happened, that she has Hep C, she began to, well, sort of fade. She goes to work, then home. That's it. She never goes out. She never has company. She just works and sleeps. She wouldn't even look at one of those web sites anymore. And now the accident happens," Bernadette said angrily. "It's too much, Sheldon! She can't take any more!"

"Tell us about the accident," Missy said softly. "What happened?"

Bernadette grimaced. "There's not much to tell. The police were chasing a man who had shot his girlfriend. They were speeding down a side street when the guy hit a large dumpster. He got out of the car and tried to run for it. Penny had just stepped out the back door to throw away some trash at work. The cops fired a couple of times at the guy and two of the bullets hit Penny. One hit her in the right side. The other grazed her temple. There's an infection near the base of her spine from the bullet wound." Bernadette took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "It's been fourteen days and so far, there's no movement or reaction to stimuli below the waist. The doctor's say it's too early to be certain, but there's a pretty strong chance that Penny's paralyzed," she said softly.

Missy gasped and Sheldon closed his eyes against the pain that invaded his chest.


	3. Chapter 3

**Sheldon has returned to Pasadena for Penny. Is he too late?**

He stepped off the elevator and headed down the corridor. Missy had wanted to accompany him but for this first visit, he wanted it to be just him and Penny. He had spoken with the doctor and reviewed the chart. The prognosis was nowhere near reassuring. The infection was resistant to treatment and had caused swelling to put pressure on her spine. Once that was cleared up, they hoped she would regain mobility. Unfortunately, there was no way to know for sure at this time. The graze to her head had caused a concussion. Penny had also experienced moments of confusion and at least two separate blackouts that first week, but had not had any more trouble since.

Sheldon hesitated for a fraction of a second before knocking three times lightly on the door. He opened it up and looked around. He wasn't happy to see Leonard standing beside Penny's bed. Beside him was another surprise, Raj's sister Priya. Near the window stood Howard and Raj, looking very uncomfortable. Sheldon got the impression they were embarrassed and reluctant to be there. He also noticed that Penny didn't even glance over at him. She kept her face turned toward the wall, away from everyone.

Sheldon walked into the room and hung his jacket on the hook over the door. "Hello, Penny," he said as he approached the bed. He looked down at his former vivacious neighbor with a smile. Her eyes flicked up to him, but she didn't answer. "Hello, Priya. What brings you here?"

Priya looked at him without expression. She was all business. "Hello, Sheldon. I was just explaining to Penny her options. It's been two years since she signed that PoA, and I have been hired to make sure she still wants to abide by it. After all, you and Penny haven't really spoken since she signed that. Maybe it's time for a change," Priya directed that last statement toward Penny. "Maybe you would like someone you are closer to, to make these decisions."

Sheldon felt a spike of anger run through him. Would Penny change her PoA to Leonard? He tried to think of something to say that would persuade Penny to leave it as is, but Priya was already talking again.

"It hardly seems fair to you, Penny, that the person who can make these decisions doesn't even live here in the United States. Do you even really need a power of attorney? Your injuries haven't greatly impaired your mental capabilities." Priya opened a folder and held out a pen. "This form will invalidate the PoA that Sheldon claims. You will be making your own medical decisions, not someone else."

After a moment Penny looked up at Priya and Leonard. Then she looked over at Howard and Raj and finally at Sheldon. Then she turned back to the wall.

"Get out."

Penny's voice was barely above a whisper and they all strained to hear it. Leonard looked at Sheldon triumphantly. Penny looked back up at Leonard. "I said get out," she stated a bit more firmly. "Take your lawyer and go away."

Sheldon watched apprehensively as Penny glanced at him again. She sighed and nodded to a chair nearby. "Sit down, Sheldon."

He walked around the bed and sat down, watching as Leonard and the others slowly left the room. Just before the door closed Leonard shot him a look of pure hatred. He looked back at Penny and sucked in a harsh breath. Her hair was dull and lank, her skin pale and wane. But her eyes were what hurt the most. They were dead. Like doll's eyes. The spark, the glint of humor and joy that was always present in her expression was gone, leaving them flat and dull. He wasn't even able to tell what color they were. They were a sort of grey/green now. Like dead moss.

"Why are you here?" she asked blandly.

Sheldon leaned forward and reached out for her hand. His fingers curled around her hand but her fingers just lay there limply. "I came because I was worried about you. I'm here to help you get better."

Penny looked down at their hands and slowly pulled hers away, leaving him feeling bereft. "Why? You left me 22 months ago, Sheldon. You left and you made it perfectly clear you wanted nothing to do with me."

Sheldon moved the chair closer and brushed her hair back from her cheek. "I never meant to hurt you, Penny. I have been rebuilding my career. I had to start over. But I never stopped caring about you. You are my friend and I want to help you."

For a second Penny's eyes flickered with pain and he was astonished by the depth of it. This was not from the accident. This was too deep, too encompassing for that. Had he hurt her that badly by leaving as he did? By cutting himself off from her? Penny looked away from him and pressed the call button for the nurse. A voice came over the speaker in the bed rail.

"Can I do something for you, Ms. Queen?"

"Can I have a pain pill?" she asked softly.

"Yes, dear. I'll be right there," the voice said.

Penny looked at Sheldon briefly before reaching up and turning off the overhead light. He knew a dismissal when he saw one. Sheldon stood and leaned over to place a gentle kiss on the crown of her head. "I'll come back when you wake up," he said tenderly.

He walked to the door as the nurse walked in. Her voice floated to him softly, and it broke his heart. "Do what you want. It doesn't matter to me," she said.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon had been surprised to find out Penny no longer lived in 4B at Los Robles. She had moved three weeks after he had left Pasadena into a small apartment over Stuart's shop. When he questioned Penny's mom about that, she told him that she didn't know why Penny moved, only that she had waited long enough to help his mom pack his things from 4A before packing her own.

He had spent the last two years under the assumption that Penny and Leonard had been in a relationship. That assumption was based on something Leonard had said when they showed up at his mom's house in Texas. Leonard had said Penny sent them to get him, and when he refused to return Leonard had stormed off saying he had wasted three days that he could have spent with Penny, that she was waiting on him to get back impatiently.

He stepped into the comic book shop and looked around. The place hadn't changed much. He spotted Stuart over by the reduced bins so he headed that way. Captain Sweatpants looked at him with astonishment, obviously surprised to see him. Stuart didn't look surprised to see him at all.

Stuart reached into his pocket and pulled out a set of keys. "Hello, Sheldon. You look good."

Sheldon nodded a greeting. "Hello, Stuart. How are you doing?"

"I'm well," he said in a monotone. "I guess you want to see Penny's apartment."

Sheldon nodded, glad the formalities were over. "Penny moved here almost two years ago?"

Stuart nodded. "I had placed an ad to rent out one of the two apartments upstairs. I live in the other. Penny showed up one day, signed the lease and moved in the next day. She had only one request. That I not tell Leonard, Howard or Raj she lived here."

Stuart led him up a flight of stairs and past two doors. He held up a hand to stop Sheldon when they reached a third door. "Hold on. Whack doesn't know you and he might not be too friendly."

Sheldon frowned and looked toward the door. "Whack?"

Stuart nodded and unlocked the door. There was a scramble of feet and when he opened the door, a small brown dog leapt up into Stuart's arms and began whimpering. Stuart murmured soothingly to the animal and rubbed it's head. He looked over at Sheldon. "This is Whack-a-doodle. Penny found him by a dumpster at work one night. He was only a few days old, still had the umbilical cord attached. She raised him herself on a bottle."

Sheldon was stunned by the dog's name. He looked at it carefully, noting the long floppy ears and the short stubby legs. Probably a mixed breed, but mostly Dachshund. Sheldon looked at Stuart. "Penny used to call me that whenever she was aggravated with me."

Stuart nodded. "She said once he reminds her of you. He has a certain spot he sits in, he's a picky eater, and he's not very sociable. In fact, other than me, Penny and your mom, Whack doesn't like anyone."

Sheldon was shocked. "My mom?"

Stuart nodded as they walked into Penny's apartment. Whack wiggled down and rushed over to the armchair. Whack jumped up onto a small stool and from there, onto the chair. He turned in a circle twice before laying down and baring his teeth to Sheldon. "Mrs. Cooper has visited six times that I know of. She is really nice. I like your mom. She made apple cobbler last time. Best meal I ever ate," Stuart reminisced. He looked at Sheldon. "You didn't know?"

He shook his head, wondering what else he had missed out on these last two years.

"Why are you back?" Stuart asked calmly.

Sheldon looked around the apartment, and back to Stuart. "Because she needs me." He reached out to adjust a framed photo on a shelf. It was the picture of the two of them at Saturnalia when she had given him the Nimoy napkin. "Because I need her," he said softly.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon opened the door to Penny's room and stepped inside. He glanced at her, noting the way she barely acknowledged his entrance. 90% of her focus seemed to be on the small watermark near the window. He set the duffel bag he was carrying down on the chair beside the bed.

"How are you this morning?" he asked.

Her eyes flicked toward him and she shrugged. "Same as I was yesterday. Same as I will be tomorrow."

Sheldon suppressed his sigh and opened the duffel bag. He pulled out clean clothes for Penny and a bag of toiletries. "Well, as soon as we get you bathed and dressed, we'll go out for some fresh air."

Now he got a true reaction from her. Her eyes widened and for a brief second, there was surprise in her eyes. The expression disappeared almost as soon as it appeared.

"No."

* * *

**A/N Just a quick reminder, people, when I go to moderate guest reviews, I look at the name first. If it just says guest (or the thoroughly ridiculous "Tseug") then I don't even bother reading it. I just delete it and move on. If you are too lazy, ashamed, cowardly or whatever to log in, I'm too busy to read it. Lunasea, Anon 13, and Elizabeth are the only ones I make an exception for.**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sheldon is confronted with more than just Penny's physical injuries. There's her emotional ones, as well.**

Sheldon drew himself up to his full height. "I do not believe I posed a query. I made a statement. You _will_ get cleaned up and you _will_ go out for a little bit."

Penny reached up and turned off the overhead light.

Sheldon calmly walked over to the head of the bed and turned it back on.

Penny glared at him for a second before reaching back up. Sheldon grabbed her wrist with one hand and flung back the blanket with another. Her gown was bunched up around her waist, giving him a full view of not just her pink boy shorts, but of the thick bandages running from her side to the base of her back. Pain lanced through him at the evidence of her injury. More pain struck as Penny slapped his hands away and tugged the blanket back.

"Go away," she begged softly. "Just …go back to wherever you came from and leave me alone again!" A tear spilled over her cheek and she shut her eyes tight.

Sheldon reached out and softly wiped away a second tear. Penny cringed back from him and he froze. She hates me that much? he thought sorrowfully. He took a deep breath and walked over to the bathroom. He quickly filled the wash pan and grabbed a cotton towel. He was silent as he returned to the bedside and opened the duffel bag. He pulled out her grape seed body wash and lathered up a washcloth after donning rubber gloves.

When he turned to her, her eyes were closed tight, but she made no objection as he gently washed her face. He moved on to her arms without a word passing between them. When he eased the blanket back again, she stiffened but gave no other indication she knew what he was doing.

Half an hour later he was inching loose sweats up her legs and placing thick socks on her feet. A soft knock on the door made him cover her back up with the blanket. The door opened and Missy and Bernadette peered around it. The two women smiled and walked over to the bed.

"Hello, Penny," Missy said cheerfully. "It's good to see you."

Penny finally opened her eyes and looked over at his sister. "Hello, Missy. Hello, Bernadette." Her voice was flat and rivaled Stuart's.

Missy bit her lip and tried for an even more upbeat tone. "I spoke to Mom earlier. She'll be back from youth camp on Saturday, then she'll be flying up to visit with ya."

Penny just stared at Missy for a few seconds before turning back to the watermark. "Fine."

Sheldon refused to allow Penny to ignore them. He picked up the blue shirt he had brought. It was the one she had worn the day they met. He reached over and gently tugged the gown over Penny's head, receiving no objection from her. She sighed and helped him thread her arms through the blouse. With his peripheral vision he saw Bernadette move the thickly padded wheelchair from the corner of the room to the bed. Missy stepped forward to help him sit Penny up and he smoothed the shirt into place.

"Here," Bernadette said softly. "I know how to do it." She moved around Sheldon and Penny automatically wound her arms around her friend's neck. Bernadette, despite her small stature, easily swung Penny over into the chair. Pain burst over Penny's face but she kept quiet. A drop of blood appeared on her bottom lip where she had bitten through the skin. Missy placed Penny's feet on the footrests and tucked a blanket around her legs.

Sheldon gently wiped away the blood on her lip. Then he released the brakes and turned the chair toward the door. "Now," he said with satisfaction, "let's take a walk around the grounds. Then we can eat some lunch." Bernadette opened the door and the four of them headed out into the corridor.

**XXXXX**

Penny barely spoke as they made their way through the gardens. She paid scant attention to their surroundings, seemingly resigned to the outing, but uninterested in it. Sheldon maneuvered her chair to a small table under an umbrella. He sent Missy and Bernadette to the sub shop across the street for their lunches. Once they were gone, he turned to Penny. She was looking at her hands which were twisted together. He tried to figure out the most pleasant way to say what he had on his mind.

"Why are you here?" she asked softly.

Sheldon leaned his arms on the table and waited until she looked up at him. "Because I need to be," he said. "You are hurt and I want to help. As soon as I heard, I came back."

Penny nodded. "So you're here to fix me?"

Sheldon frowned, sure there was a linguistically trap in that statement. "I am here to help you get well."

Penny's eyes seemed to focus on something just over his shoulder. "What if I don't want your help?" she asked softly.

Sheldon suppressed the ache her words caused. "Don't you?"

Penny looked back at him for several seconds. "No," she finally said. "I don't think I do." She looked over to where Bernadette and Missy were approaching. "Because I can't trust you anymore," she whispered, almost to herself.

**XXXXX**

He returned her to her room a little after 2pm. Her parents were already there, watching hopefully as he and Bernadette got her settled back into bed. Mrs. Queen immediately grasped Penny's limp hand. He followed Missy and Bernadette out of the room after a soft goodbye. He sighed as he stepped into the elevator.

"Please don't give up," Bernadette begged softly. "Give it time."

Sheldon looked at the petite blonde with determination. "I do not intend to give up. I will remain here, by her side, for as long as it takes."

**XXXXX**

Sheldon signed the last of the paperwork and handed it back to the nurse. He waited for her to gather the release papers and prescriptions patiently.

"I never would have believed you could be such a bastard."

Sheldon turned and looked at his former friend. "And I would never have believed you would turn out to be one either. I guess we were both wrong."

Leonard stepped closer, his hands clenched into fists. "You were insane! Every day you got more and more neurotic! Would you rather I had let Howard or Raj kill you? You brought it on yourself! I was trying to keep you from completely losing your life!"

Sheldon's eyes were like shards of ice. "You didn't do it for me. I've had two years to think things over, Leonard. Two years to piece it all together." He leaned closer and his voice dropped to a more menacing tone. "You and I were getting along just fine until you found the email Penny sent me. The next day I suddenly started getting my "results". Coincidence? Penny sent one and only one email during our entire trip and it was to me. How that must have killed you."

Hate spread over Leonard's face. "Why you?!" he practically screamed. "I'm the one who loved her! I'm the one who did everything to make her notice me! You treated her like a burden! You never appreciated her!"

By now they were attracting a lot of attention from staff, patients and visitors. Sheldon turned to the nurse approaching cautiously. He held out his hand and took the folder she was carrying. He glanced over everything quickly and nodded his thanks. He turned back to Leonard calmly, unimpressed with the pain and anger on Leonard's face. "Why me? Maybe because she knew I was the one who didn't see her as nothing more than the "hot chick". Maybe because she respected me." Sheldon shrugged and said the one thing he could never have said two years ago. "Maybe because she knew I needed her."

Before Leonard could say anything else, Missy appeared around the corner, pushing Penny's wheelchair carefully. Both women looked at Leonard in surprise. He quickly schooled his expression and hurried forward.

"Penny, I was just on my way to see you," Leonard said. "I've come up with a solution. As you know, I have two bedrooms, and I was thinking you could stay at my apartment until you are back on your feet." He gave her a winning smile. "I have already spoken to a home health nurse, and she can start the day you get out of the hospital."

Penny looked over at Sheldon who was watching her impassively. She knew instinctively that he would not argue with her. She also knew that if she said yes to Leonard, Sheldon would leave and go back to wherever he had disappeared to. Penny looked back at Leonard. She studied him closely for several long heartbeats. Neither option appealed to her, to be honest. She didn't want either of them here. But at least with Sheldon, she would be alone in her own home.

"Leonard, two years ago I told you I wanted nothing more to do with you, Howard or Raj. I don't know why my parents called you to tell you I was in the hospital, but I haven't changed my mind. We are not friends. You betrayed your best friend. I have no respect for you or the others. Why on earth would you think I would trust you now?"

Sheldon felt relief at her words, and moved around his former roommate to hand Missy the papers. He took the handles of the wheelchair and began moving Penny toward the elevators. None of them spoke during the ride down to the lobby. Missy rushed ahead to pull her car around and two nurses helped transfer Penny into the backseat. She turned her head to look out the window as soon as she was settled. He briefly considered sitting in the back with her, because he could see the faint lines of pain around her eyes and mouth. Even a blind man could see she was in no mood to talk or be comforted. She may not trust or want Leonard around, but she wasn't exactly eager for his company, either.


	5. Chapter 5

**Sheldon is finding it hard to reconnect with Penny. The last two years have changed them all. Is his Penny still inside her somewhere, or is the woman he cared for gone forever? **

Getting Penny up to her apartment wasn't too hard. Wyatt simply picked her up in his arms and carried her up the stairs. She held herself stiffly with pain, her arms tight around his neck. Stuart was waiting on them, Whack on a leash by his side. As soon as Penny was stretched out on the sofa, she clucked her tongue and Whack jumped up onto her lap. She hugged the animal close and smiled softly.

"I missed you," she mumbled against his fur. Sheldon watched the joy and love on her face as she cuddled with his sort-of namesake. Missy went to make some tea while Mrs. Queen fussed over Penny and he, Wyatt, and Stuart walked back down to the car to get the rest of Penny's things.

"She looks better," Stuart said in his bland voice. He looked at Sheldon and smiled slightly. "I just want to say thanks. You didn't have to come back, but I'm glad you did. Penny needs you."

Sheldon sighed and shook his head. "She hates me. I left her, thinking she would carry on as she always had before. I thought she would continue being Penny. But she hates me for leaving. She doesn't want me here."

Wyatt snorted. "Oh, I don't know about that. She's mad, sure. She's very angry with you for leaving. But she's spent two years missing you, Sheldon. She doesn't hate you. She hates how much she needs you." He pulled out a small piece of paper with a phone number on it and handed it to Sheldon. "Which is why Joyce and I are going home tomorrow. It's not us, as much as we wish it was, that she needs. If you need us, call us. If you have anything to report, call us." Wyatt laid a hand on Sheldon's shoulder. "If you need an ear to chew, call us."

Sheldon picked up the duffel bag and handed Stuart the bag with her medications and release papers inside. "I need her, too," he admitted softly. "I will do my best for her."

**XXXXX**

Penny watched Sheldon putter around her kitchen. Missy and Stuart had left an hour ago, but Sheldon seemed to be reluctant to go. She set her tea down and looked over at him. "You don't have to hover around," she said blandly. "I'm settled in for the night. I just want to go to sleep."

Sheldon sighed and looked at her. "I'm not going anywhere, Penny."

Penny snorted under her breath in disbelief. She looked at Whack sleeping on her lap. "I'll be fine. I just had a pain pill, so I'm good for at least 8 hours. If I need anything, Stuart is across the hall."

Sheldon looked at his hands nervously. "You won't need to call on Stuart for any help." He took a deep breath and walked over to sit on the armchair beside the couch. "I moved in last night."

Penny could only stare at him. She was certain she had imagined those words. Slowly she closed her eyes and shook her head. "Wha…what did you say?"

Sheldon looked at her sternly. "You know very well what I said. I moved in. I placed my belongings in the bedroom alongside yours. When you are ready for bed, I will get you settled. I will sleep on the small trundle bed Stuart set up for me. Until you are capable of getting along on your own, I will stay here with you."

Penny's nostrils flared angrily. "Get out," she bit out roughly.

Sheldon shook his head. "No. You are injured. You may not _want_ my help, but you need it."

Penny's hands clenched into fists. This was the first time she had shown any emotion for more than a few seconds. He was oddly grateful for that anger rolling off her in waves. At least he knew now that she was still capable of it. "I don't want you!" Penny snarled. "And I sure as hell don't need you!"

Sheldon steeled himself against the guilt he could feel building in him. He stood and quirked an eyebrow at her. "Oh? Then let's see you get yourself to bed."

Penny gasped in outrage. Silence reigned for several seconds. He almost relented when a tear formed in her left eye and then slid down her cheek. "You're a bastard," she whispered.

Sheldon nodded. "Maybe I am," he said softly. "But I'm the bastard who's going to take care of you, Penny. I'm not going anywhere. Hate me if you have to. Yell, scream, throw things, whatever it takes. But I'm not leaving. I'm going to take care of you, whether you want me to or not."

Sheldon returned to the kitchen and finished putting away the dishes. He barely heard her next word.

"Why?" she whispered.

He turned to look at her, his expression calm and steady. "Because you matter to me."

**XXXXX**

Penny gritted her teeth against the pain in her back and head as Sheldon popped her on her side with a couple of pillows. It was too painful to sleep on her back, but she had a tendency to roll around in her sleep, hence the pillows. Whack lay near her shoulder, growling softly at Sheldon. She reached up and placed a hand on his haunch and he turned to nuzzle her fingers.

Sheldon tucked the blanket around her, the urge to lean down and again place a kiss on her head almost overwhelming. He rose and headed to the bathroom. He closed the door and leaned back against it. Even after two years apart, she still had the power to take his breath away. He ran a hand down his face and took a deep breath. He pushed away from the door and stepped into the shower stall. He washed quickly and pulled on his pajamas.

When he stepped back into the bedroom, Penny's eyes were closed. He wasn't sure if she was really asleep, or just feigning it, but he didn't have the nerve to find out. He slipped into the trundle bed and turned off the lamp on the bedside table.

They lay in the dark, too caught up in their own worries and memories to realize that the other was just as pained and sad as they, themselves, were.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon frowned and looked around the room. It was still dark outside, so he turned over to look at the clock. 2:36 am. He heard a moan and he shot up in the bed. Penny was shuddering in her bed, and Whack was whimpering in a high pitched tone. Sheldon rose and moved swiftly to the bed. Sweat beaded on her forehead and her lips were drawn tight with pain.

Sheldon went to get her a pain pill and some water and sat down beside her. Whack began to growl, and snapped his jaws at Sheldon. Sheldon grabbed him by the scruff and set him on the floor. Whack's legs were too short for him to jump back up. He eased Penny up against his chest and woke her carefully. This was still Penny after all, and she was still liable to punch him in the throat. Her eyes opened, clouded with pain.

"Here," he said softly. "It's a pain pill." Her mouth opened automatically and he placed it on her tongue. She sipped the water and slumped heavily against him. He cradled her head in the crook of his neck and leaned back against the headboard.

"Soft kitty, warm kitty, little ball of fur. Happy kitty, sleepy kitty, purr, purr, purr," he sang tenderly.

Penny's right hand tentatively settled on his bicep. "I still hate you," she whispered.

Sheldon's heart clenched in his chest. He nodded in reply. "I know," he murmured. "But you still need me."

**XXXXX**

He was just putting on a pot of tea when there was a knock on the door. He glanced at Penny, who didn't even glance at the door. Her eyes stayed glued to the TV, even though he very much doubted that she was actually watching the documentary on Nixon.

He walked over to the door and opened it up. Missy and Bernadette smiled at him and he stepped aside to let them in. Whack moved from Penny's feet, up onto her lap. His lips pulled back into a silent snarl and Penny placed a hand on his head to sooth him.

"Is that mutt ever going to stop hating everyone?" Bernadette muttered.

Penny smiled slightly. "He doesn't hate you, B. He's just protective."

"He's a menace," Sheldon muttered under his breath as he walked back to the kitchen. His shin still ached from the nip Whack had given him when he crawled out of Penny's bed this morning. He pulled a pan from the oven, the smell of cinnamon rolls permeating the apartment slowly.

He poured tea for everyone and placed the rolls on a plate. When he carried them over to the living room, Bernadette and Missy smiled their thanks and reached for a cup. Sheldon stared at Penny who glared at him. After a moment she grimaced and reached for a cup. Sheldon placidly reached for her legs and raised them up. He slipped beneath them, settling her calves across his lap. He picked up the last cup and turned his attention to the TV. He flipped through the channels and settled on an old episode of Deep Space 9. He pretended not to notice the confusion and surprise on everyone's faces. After a few minutes Bernadette began telling Penny a story about work and they all eventually relaxed. Small steps, Sheldon reminded himself.


	6. Chapter 6

**Sheldon is discovering that the woman he knew has changed a great deal. She is no longer the vibrant, chaotic whirlwind he was accustomed to.**

Penny grimaced to herself as she watched Sheldon attach the grips to the shower chair he had purchase at the pharmacy. He settled it inside the small stall in the bathroom and checked the reach on the new shower hose. He nodded to himself and looked over at her. She resigned herself to allowing him to help her undress and get into the chair. After all, for four days he had sponge bathed her. She still felt grimy, though.

She thought about asking him to send for Bernadette or Missy, but then she paused. If he wanted to play the martyr, then so be it. He'd get freaked out eventually and maybe then he'd finally leave her alone. Maybe then, things would go back to the way they had always been. With her all alone.

Sheldon stood beside the bed and bent to help her sit up. She was able to suppress her moan of pain. She hated the way the pain pills knocked her out, or left her feeling helpless, so she was trying to go longer periods without one. In fact, the last one had worn off sometime in the night, but she refused to ask for one until she really, _really_, needed it. Besides, Sheldon kept crawling into bed with her, and singing Soft Kitty. Maybe if he thought she was out of pain, he'd quit touching her so much.

She pushed away his hands when he started to reach for the pajama top she wore. She quickly undid the buttons herself and pulled it off. Her sports bra hid little, but he didn't seem to notice. He waited patiently as she sighed and finally wrapped her arms around his neck. He slowly stood, pulling her with him. His thumbs slipped into the waistband of her bottoms and he pushed them down expressionlessly. He dropped his left shoulder and slipped his left arm under her knees. As he picked her up, bridal style, the bottoms succumbed to gravity to fall on the tiled floor.

A few short steps toward the small stall and he set her on the shower chair. "If you need me, I'll be nearby," he said calmly.

Penny looked away from him and shrugged wordlessly. He shut the stall door and she picked up the shower head dangling beside her. She heard the bedroom door close and stole a quick glance to make sure she was alone. She swiftly turned on the water to hide the sound of her tears. Dammit! She hated this! She hated being weak! She hated being weak in front of _him_! She watched hot tears slip from her cheeks onto her legs. She cried harder when she couldn't feel them.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon breathed in through his nose and out through his mouth as he struggled to overpower his arousal. He silently willed away the erection straining against his pants. Slowly it wilted and he was able to relax somewhat. This was becoming a common occurrence. Nearly every time he carried her in his arms, his body reacted to her. Holding her close at night when she was unable to sleep was the hardest on him (no pun intended). He pushed off from the door and walked to the kitchen. He pulled eggs from the fridge and a placed a pan on the stove. Maybe an omelet will tempt Penny's appetite.

Eighteen minutes later he heard the shower turn off, so he slid the second omelet onto a plate and headed to the bedroom. He took a deep steadying breath and stepped into the room. Sheldon grabbed the large fluffy towels he had set on the bed and headed to the stall.

Penny didn't bother to cover herself. The sports bra she had pulled off was sopping wet. Besides it was Sheldon. He had always said he had no interest in anything remotely sexual. She was too numb to care if he saw her breasts.

Sheldon gulped when he realized she was topless. His hands shook for a second, and he forced his eyes to become fixed on her shoulder. He wrapped one towel around her shoulders and knelt to dry her legs and feet. She loosely placed her arms around his neck as he lifted her up and carried her through to the bed. He replaced the wet Depends with a new one and slid sweatpants up to her hips. He helped her sit up so he could put her slippers on her feet. He moved her to the wheelchair Bernadette had borrowed from her mom, a home health nurse, and turned to leave the room. "Breakfast is ready," he said simply.

Once he was gone, Penny pulled the towel from her shoulders and draped it over her head. She twisted it around her hair and reached for the bra and top he had set out for her. She wheeled herself into the living room and whistled for Whack. He bounded out from under the couch and she bent to pull him onto her lap.

Sheldon placed a plate on the coffee table and another on a folding tray beside Penny. He picked up the remote and held it out toward her. Surprise flashed across her face and after a moment she reached out and took it. She bit her lip for a moment and then sighed. She pushed herself over to the desk beside the bookshelf. She pulled open the bottom drawer and pulled out a dvd from the collection she had stored there. She put it into the player and turned it on. Sheldon was stunned to see the menu that popped up. Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood wasn't something he expected her to have.

Penny started the series without a word. Sheldon couldn't remain quiet, though. "I am surprised. I never would have thought you would like this anime."

Penny's cheeks turned a faint pink. "It's okay. Not bogged down with aliens or space ships. Just soldiers, wars and lots of action."

Sheldon looked at her carefully. She was trying to appear disinterested, but the fact that she not only owned this, but kept it stored safely, proved that it meant something to her. He decided not to push her. For now.

**XXXXX**

They were on disc three when there was a knock on the door. Sheldon paused the show and stood up. Penny was stretched out on the couch, the pain pill she had finally asked for beginning to take affect. He opened the door and peered out.

"Well? Are you just going to stand there staring at me, Shelly, or are you going to let me in?"

"Mom?" Sheldon said faintly.

Mary Cooper stepped around him, dragging her rolling case behind her. She dropped the handle and hurried over to the couch. She sat down on the coffee table and picked up Penny's hand. "Oh, sweetheart!" Mary exclaimed softly. "I came as soon as I could."

Sheldon watched, hopeful that the thing he had been so desperately searching for, Penny's softer emotions, would make themselves known for more than a second. From everything his sister, Bernadette and Stuart had told him, his mom and Penny were close. It had sounded to him as if his mom had emotionally adopted Penny.

Penny looked into Mary's warm eyes and shrunk back. She couldn't take it. She didn't want them to care about her. She didn't want that responsibility. She cringed as Mary squeezed her hand encouragingly. Panic rose up inside her and she couldn't contain her emotions anymore. Tears sprang up and poured down her cheeks. Her heart raced at an alarming speed. The omelet in her stomach turned sour and suddenly she lost all control.

She didn't even have time to warn Mary.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon put away the cleaning supplies and looked over at his mom. She had changed into clean clothes and was now towel drying Whack, who was resisting vigorously. She looked at him with concern.

"So, want to tell me why you've come back?" she asked sternly.

"Penny needs me."

Mary studied her son carefully. Sheldon had always been such a mystery to her. Sure, she loved her boy, dearly. But for the most part, she understood him very little. "It would seem to me, that that would be the last thing you would concern yourself with. After all, you left everyone behind, Shelly."

He stiffened for a moment before turning to wash his hands. He held his tongue as he walked across the room to peer into the bedroom. Penny was sleeping quietly. He closed the door tight and turned back to his mom. He loved her, there was no doubt about it. But he was no longer a child to be coddled, chastised, or guided, either.

"No. I left ME behind. I left behind my phobias, my schedules, and my hang-ups. I left behind the men who betrayed me. I left behind the shattered remains of my career. But I never left HER. Not really. I was reestablishing my career. I was reforming my life. I was rebuilding myself into someone she could be proud of," he said softly.

Mary's eyes widened as realization hit. Her son loved this woman. Had he always? Did he even know he did? What about Penny? Did she have any idea what she meant to Shelly? Over the last two years, they had talked often on the phone. It started when she helped pack his belongings. It continued, at first with an email from Penny every two weeks, asking if she had heard from Shelly. Then a phone call every month or so. Then weekly calls, and even a few visits. They talked about life, their families, and just general things like tv shows they both liked. Never once had they discussed love.

"Shelly, what are you saying?" she finally asked.

Sheldon stood tall, and looked his mother in the eyes. "I am here because I could not bear to be anywhere else. For twenty-five years, my life was physics. I had family and former friends who I cared for. I was …content. When it all fell apart, she stood by me. She was appalled by what they had done. She tried to fix it by making them come after me and apologize. She tried to comfort me," he smiled slightly at the memory of Penny sitting beside him on his bed, struggling to make him feel better with the offer of pie.

"In all my life, only two people ever accepted me whole-heartedly, despite the fact that they did not understand me. Meemaw and Penny. She may not have always agreed with me, or understood me, but Penny always supported me. We fought, teased, argued, and pranked each other. I have come to realize, in the last two years that the reason we were able to do that, to antagonize each other indiscriminately, was because we knew, instinctively, that we would always have each other's backs. I did things for Penny that I have never done for anyone else, ever. Such as helping her make Penny-Blossoms, loaning her money, listening to her problems and actually trying to help. I have cared about Penny for far longer than I realized."

"Leaving her behind was difficult. It was the one thing I almost relented on. Not a day has passed since my departure that I did not think of her at least a dozen times. I love her. She is everything to me. Someday, I'll be the kind of man she will be proud of. The kind of man she will be proud to have by her side. I could not stand by while she is injured. She may not want me here. But she does need me. At least until she is well again."

Mary stood and walked over to her son. Her heart broke for him, seeing the pain and longing in his eyes. "Sheldon Lee Cooper, you are already a man to be proud of. You always have been. Penny knows that. If she wasn't already proud of you, if she didn't already care, your leaving would not have hurt as much as it did."

Sheldon leaned forward and place a kiss on his mom's cheek, much to her delight and surprise. "Thank you," he said. He bent and attached the leash to Whack's collar. The dog growled but moved to the door eagerly. Mary watched Sheldon leave the apartment and then went to the bedroom door. She looked down at the pretty little blonde who held her son's heart in her unsuspecting hand. Silently she prayed to her God that they figured it out soon. She couldn't bear for either of them to suffer much more.


	7. Chapter 7

**Sheldon isn't alone in his struggle to find the Penny he knew. Missy, Bernadette, Stuart and even his own mom are doing the best they can to help Penny heal, physically and emotionally.**

**(BTW, I don't know much about medicine, so I'm writing it as I see it in my head.)**

Penny glanced at the clock and sighed. The past week had quickly become a routine. She shouldn't be surprised, since Sheldon had always been about schedules and routines. In one way, it was a comfort to look at the clock and know exactly what was going to happen. In another, it was quickly becoming incredible restrictive. Of course, with her inability to get around on her own, it wasn't like she could just do whatever she wanted, anyway.

Sure enough, just as the clock hit 11:45 am, Sheldon walked out of the bedroom with a lap blanket and her hoodie. She didn't want to speak to him very often, fearing that if she opened her mouth, she would say something she would regret. She held out her arms silently and he helped her into it. "I don't really feel like a walk," she couldn't help grumbling, knowing it was useless before she ever spoke.

Sheldon nodded. "I know. You never do. However, today you have an appointment with Dr. Reilly. They want to make sure your infection is clearing up. Then we have a meeting with the physical therapist to keep your legs from atrophying."

Penny shrugged vaguely. "Whatever."

The front door opened and Missy peeked around the edge. "Good morning! Who's ready to get goin'?"

Penny looked at her friend with a slight smile. "Good morning, Missy. Are you driving me?"

Missy nodded as she walked over. "Yep. Mom and Bernadette said to remind you that we're all having dinner together tonight, and you ain't gettin' out of it."

Penny sighed heavily. "Missy…"

"You are going." Sheldon's voice was stern and unyielding. He looked at his twin calmly. "Penny and I will be ready at 6pm. I promise."

Penny's eyes narrowed and she gritted her teeth. "Sheldon, I'm about to be poked and prodded. Then I have my first therapy session. I'm tired and sore already. Please, I just want to get through these appointments and then rest."

Sheldon watched her for a couple of seconds before kneeling down. He picked up her hands in his, ignoring the flinch she gave. "Penny, you need to eat. Please, we are worried about you. You barely eat anything, you never want to do anything but sleep or watch tv. Is it really too much to spend a couple of hours with the people who care about you? If only to make them happy?"

She looked down, hiding the hurt in her eyes. She took a deep breath and looked back up, her expression blank. "Fine. I'll go. I would hate for anyone to be unhappy."

Once again, Sheldon felt like there was a trap in that wording. Something he was missing. It seemed to him that most of what Penny said anymore held some sort of hidden meaning. Meanings that, thus far, he had been unable to decipher.

"Penny, you have never made me unhappy," he promised softly. "In fact, your friendship has always made me very happy."

Penny looked at him, struggling to keep her emotions in check. He had no idea had badly she wanted to lash out at him. To make him hurt like she did. She swallowed the bile in her throat and gave him a fake smile. "That's nice," she managed to say quietly.

Sheldon searched her eyes, wishing he had more experience reading people. Something had flashed across her face just before she spoke. Something that made a shiver run down his spine. It put him in mind of the way Leonard had looked the day he checked Penny out of the hospital. It had looked like rage.

Penny turned her head toward Missy. "I'm ready. Can we go, now?"

Missy nodded cheerfully and opened the door before grabbing Penny's wheelchair and purse. Sheldon slipped his arms around her and picked her up. He shifted her to cradle her close. He was glad he had taken up fencing and judo in Helsinki. The musculature he had acquired was coming in very handy now. Of course, only having to carry her one flight of stairs helped. He would never have made it up four.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon settled into the chair beside the exam table and grasped Penny's hand. She didn't pull away, even giving his hand a tight squeeze. Her eyes were closed, and her lips set into a thin line. He watched Dr. Reilly smear alcohol around the base of her spine before slowly inserting a large needle. He drew out fluid and handed it to the nurse for labeling.

"Penny, it's a lot clearer today. I think when we get the results, we'll find the infection is clearing up. I'm going to remove your stitches now, okay?" the doctor said calmly. He looked at Sheldon and gave a slight nod. Sheldon relaxed a bit, seeing the confidence in that look.

Sheldon reached out with his free hand and smoothed Penny's hair back. It was finally taking on a glossy sheen again. She flinched slightly and then relaxed. He wished she would open her eyes so he could read her better. Every day he grew more and more worried about her. She had closed herself off from almost everyone and everything. She smiled, rarely, with Bernadette or Stuart. She had hugged his mom twice without flinching. Only with Whack did she seem to relax and show real emotion. She loved that stupid dog. Of course the dog loved her, too.

He had tried to befriend the mongrel, but it was determined to remain enemies. Whack snapped at everyone who got close to Penny, and growled often. He had started putting on his heavy jeans before getting Penny up in the mornings, because the dog was apt to nip at his ankles every time he picked Penny up. He felt Penny squeeze his hand again and looked over to see the doctor prodding the entrance wound. The puckered scar was the size of a nickel, and shiny. It was no longer red, but he knew it was still tender. Dr. Reilly wiped off Penny's back carefully and pulled her shirt back down.

"Penny, I'm pleased with the rate of healing. The infection looks to be clearing up, and I'm hopeful that once it's gone, we'll see some reaction from your lower limbs." He placed an arm around her back and helped her sit up before Sheldon could.

Penny looked at him gratefully. "Thank you," she said sincerely. "How much longer will I need to take the antibiotics?"

"Another week, at least," he replied, reaching for her chart. "We want to make sure we've completely eradicated it. Now, once I have your results back, I'm going to start you back on your Hep C treatments. Now that you've stopped taking the codeine, and are relying on Tylenol for your pain, we shouldn't have any problems with your treatments once the infection is gone. I'll refill the Peginterferon/Rebetol combo as soon as we're sure. I see here you were also taking Ativan. I'll refill that one next week and get you started back on it. So, I want you back here in 7 days to see how you are doing, okay?"

Penny nodded and picked up her left leg to swing it to the side of the table. Sheldon stood by as she did the same with her right. He had to keep himself from stepping in to do little things for her. He knew, as well as the rest of them, that there was no guarantee she would get the use of her legs back. It wouldn't be good to coddle her too much. Once she was at the edge of the table, he bent and waited patiently for her to put her arms around his neck. She always paused a second before touching him. Those little pauses never failed to slice through his heart. Once he had her in the chair, he placed the blanket around her legs and wheeled her to the nurse station. He took a seat on a chair beside her and looked over the selection of magazines.

"Sheldon?"

He looked up with surprise. Penny had not initiated a conversation in the two weeks since he had returned. "Yes?"

"I owe you a thank you. For helping me," she said softly, her eyes on her hands. "I know it hasn't been easy for you. Or anyone else. So, …thanks."

Sheldon placed a hand over hers and smiled at her. "You are my friend, Penny. I am glad to be here, even if the circumstances are not good. I missed you," he said gently. "I know you are angry with me, but I have never stopped thinking of you as my friend."

Penny looked over at him and his chest tightened. His eyes went wide at the fury in her eyes. "Do not mistake me, Sheldon. We are NOT friends. I am not happy to have you here. I am grateful for the help. I can appreciate that this situation is difficult. But the sooner I get well, and you leave again, the better."

He stared at her for a long time. A nurse walked over and handed Penny the paperwork from the doctor and left before he found the will to speak again. "Do you hate me so much?" he finally asked in a tentative voice.

Penny placed her hands on the wheels and released the chair's brake. "I don't hate you, Sheldon. I stopped feeling anything for you a long time ago." He stood and followed her to the elevators, his heart and mind numb.


	8. Chapter 8

**Sheldon is distraught by Penny's words at the hospital. He is starting to realize that he may be fighting a losing battle. **

Sheldon pushed Penny's chair up to the table and handed her one of the menu's. He looked at the waitress and nodded. "I will have a bacon barbecue cheeseburger, bacon, barbecue and cheese on the side. I will also have French fries, and iced tea." He looked at the others calmly. "Excuse me, I must use the facilities."

Sheldon walked to the bathrooms and made sure he was alone. He pulled out his phone and took a deep breath before dialing the number on the card he held. "Mr. Queen? This is Sheldon Cooper. I …I think I would like to take you up on that offer for 'an ear to chew', so to speak. Would it be possible for you to make time tomorrow for us to speak in depth?"

**XXXXX**

Mary looked at Penny, taking in the tightness around her eyes and the way her hands continually clenched. "Are you okay, dear?"

"I'm paralyzed, I'm trapped in this damnable chair, and I'm stuck with a pushy genius with a habit of running off when things get bad. So, no, I'm not okay." Penny looked up and caught the flash of pain in Mary's eyes and sighed. "I'm sorry," she murmured. "My back hurts from the therapy earlier and I didn't mean to snap at you."

Missy laid her hand on Penny's shoulder. "We understand, hon. I can't even begin to imagine how you feel right now. You just gotta have faith."

Penny bit her lip to keep from snorting. Sheldon reappeared and took the empty chair between her and Bernadette. The waitress walked over with their drinks and Penny pulled her Tylenol from her purse. She popped two in her mouth and sipped her lemonade.

"Penny?" Everyone looked up at the handsome guy who stopped by the table. He was easily 6'3" and broad shouldered. He was smiling at Penny with a lot of admiration. Sheldon disliked him immediately.

"Hey, Zack," Penny said with a smile. Sheldon changed his mind. He didn't dislike the newcomer. He hated him.

Zack grinned down at her good-naturedly. "Haven't seen you around for a couple of weeks. I was beginning to get worried. How ya been?"

Penny folded her hands in her lap and shrugged. "I'm fine, Zack. Just taking some time off work for a bit. I'll be back soon."

The guy bent and pressed a light kiss to Penny's cheek. "Well don't stay gone too long. I miss your pretty face."

Penny smiled vaguely and nodded. "Sure thing, Zack. Take care." The guy nodded and walked off toward the office.

Missy looked at Penny with a sly grin. "So, he's pretty hunky. An old boyfriend, maybe?"

Penny blushed slightly. "His family owns the company that handles our deliveries. Zack's a nice guy but just a friend."

Bernadette grinned broadly. "He'd like to be more. He always sits in Penny's section when he eats here, and he always makes time to say hi to her. He's pretty smitten."

Penny's hands clenched tightly in her lap. "What would Zack want with a cripple?" she asked softly. Immediately Bernadette and Missy looked appalled. Missy reached over to grasp Penny's hand, but she jerked away. She gripped her wheels tightly. "Excuse me, I need to freshen up a bit," she bit out.

Mary stood calmly and took the handles of Penny's chair. "I could use a trip to the restroom, myself. I'll go with you."

Penny did her best to regain control of her runaway emotions. She desperately wanted some alone time. Every second of every day she was with Sheldon at least and often Stuart, Missy, Bernadette and Mary were around. She was no longer used to having so many people around and it was taking it's toll on her tightly wound nerves. They entered the restroom and Mary moved around Penny to kneel down.

"Talk to me, honey. Tell me what's wrong." Mary placed her hands on Penny's knees. Penny tried her best to ignore the heartbreak she always felt when she was reminded of how useless the nerves in her legs were now.

Penny stared at the crystal blue eyes so like Sheldon's and felt her resolve erode away. Tears sprang to her eyes and she dashed at them angrily. "I hate this!" she sobbed. "I feel so damned helpless! I'm wearing a damn diaper! Do you have any idea how humiliating that is? To have to rely on someone else, on SHELDON, to WASH me?! What am I going to do? I'm a stupid frickin' waitress, who can't walk to a table! I'm broke, my bills are all overdue, and I'm not going to be getting back to work anytime soon. Stuart isn't pestering me about the rent, but he can't afford to just let me live there for free. And even if he could, what good would it do? My electric is about to be shut off, and the water not long after. Every doctor visit just increases my bill, with no guarantee that I'll ever fucking walk again!"

Penny pushed away Mary's hands and wiped her hands across her eyes angrily. "And who do I have to rely on? The same guy who deserted me without even a goodbye! Tell you what's wrong? How about everything?! Every damned thing in my life is wrong! It always has been! I wish that bullet had done more than just graze me! Because I hate this fucking life!"

Mary gasped and clutched at the cross around her neck. She prayed fast and hard for guidance. "Penny, I don't believe the good Lord ever gives us more than we can handle. I know things look bleak at the moment. I can see the pain and fear you are feeling. But my dear, you can't give up. You can't let this beat you down! I know you don't feel like it's true, but you have a purpose in this life. You have so many people who love you, and need you. Me, Missy, that sweet little Stuart, and Shelly. He needs you, Penny. He came back for _you_. Because he needs you to get well, and he needs to help you do it."

Penny shook her head emphatically. "I don't want him here! I want him to just go back to wherever he came from."

Mary shook her head. "You don't mean that, honey. I know you don't. You're mad at him, with good reason. But you don't really hate him. You hate the way he makes you feel. I understand. He is more important to you than you want to admit. Deny it all you want, but you know I'm right."

Penny's tears finally stopped flowing and she shook her head with surety. "I used to care about him. At one time, he was my best friend. But he left. He didn't even say goodbye, Mary. He never responded to any message I sent. He completely turned his back on me. Whatever I used to feel for him died a slow horrible death over a year ago. Most of the time, I don't feel anything. When I do…"

Penny shook her head. She didn't want to hurt Mary, but she couldn't lie to her, either. "When I do, I hate him. Because having him here reminds me of what I don't have."

Mary stared at Penny for several seconds. It broke her heart to see the despair in the young woman's eyes. Not for a second did she believe Penny really hated Shelly. Love and hate were such strong emotions, that it was hard to tell the difference sometimes. She cupped Penny's jaw and shook her head. "Please don't give up, honey. If not for you, for us. For all your friends."

Penny closed her eyes tight against the renewed fury in her. For them. For others. Always for everyone else. That was her life. Do this for her. Do that for him. Do something else for someone else. Never for herself. Slowly she unclenched her hands. She opened her eyes, and Mary gasped softly. Somehow that small sound was comforting. Like sharing a tiny smidgeon of her pain. "Our food is probably at the table," she said blandly. "We should go eat."

Penny maneuvered her chair around awkwardly, and waited for Mary to open the door. Mary reached over and placed a hand on her should and gave a small squeeze. They made their way back to the table silently. As soon as Penny was settled into place, Sheldon smiled and reached over the table to pick up her hand. Around the table everyone else joined hands, knowing Mary would insist on a prayer. Mary watched everyone but Penny bow their heads. Penny just stared at Sheldon's hand, an expression of distrust in her eyes. Mary closed her eyes and prayed a blessing over the food. Silently she begged God to heal Penny. She didn't ask for Penny to walk again. She asked God to help her love again.


	9. Chapter 9

**Penny's life changed drastically after Sheldon left. She felt abandoned by someone she cared about deeply and that ate away at her confidence. Everything she has suffered or experienced since then has only torn her heart into more and more pieces. **

Sheldon turned off the bedroom light and closed the door. He looked at his mom, who sat on the couch, her head bowed in supplication. He took a seat on the armchair and waited. He needed to know what had happened in the bathroom. When Penny and his mom had returned, Penny was even more distanced from them all. She responded to questions or comments in a monotone, and with as few words as possible. She had eaten exactly three bites of her meal, and then spent the rest of the time pushing the food around on her plate. The ride home was positively chilly.

As soon as they got to the apartment, she claimed a headache and asked to lay down. She had even taken one of the few remaining pain pills she hated so much. He had helped her into bed, taken off her shoes and even put that foul-tempered dog on the bed with her. He had a scratch on his wrist for his troubles.

"Shelly," his mom spoke without looking up. "Do you remember that trip we took when you and Missy were 8? We planned on going to that museum. We got lost and ended up on some old highway."

Sheldon frowned and nodded. "I remember. The road ended abruptly at a open field. Dad was so angry, he turned the car around and took us all home."

Mary looked up finally, her red-rimmed eyes so sad. "I think Penny is on that old road, and I don't know if we can reach her from the one we're on."

He frowned and looked toward the closed bedroom door. "I don't understand."

Mary sighed sadly, a tear slipping down her cheek. "Penny's body is healing, but her mind and heart …Shelly, she's so broken inside. And, I'm ashamed to say, I think she has been for a long time. I just never saw it before now."

He swallowed the automatic denial he wanted to utter. "What happened in the rest room? What did she say?"

"That she wishes she was dead. She's broke, depressed, hurt, and she doesn't think she can trust anyone," Mary answered softly.

He paled and unconsciously clutched his chest. Penny wished she was dead? His Penny? He struggled to draw in adequate oxygen as panic spread through him. Slowly Sheldon stood up and moved to the bedroom. He stepped over to the bed and Whack growled in a low voice. Sheldon grabbed the dog up by the scruff and took him out to the living room. He dropped him into his mom's lap and returned to the bedroom where he shut and locked the door. He gingerly sat down beside Penny and smoothed the hair from her face.

Fear and pain warred within him. He couldn't loose her. He couldn't let her give up. So what should he do? How did he help her when she resisted everything he did. He eased down onto the bed and pulled her into his arms. He felt her fidget and begin to wake up. He closed his eyes and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Please," he begged softly. "Please, don't give up, Penny. I couldn't take it if you left me. For me, please try."

Penny began to struggle, trying to push him away. He held onto her tightly and whispered Soft Kitty to her over and over. He was on his third verse when her voice penetrated his consciousness.

"…do it anymore!" she sobbed. "Why can't you just leave me be now? You didn't give a damn before!" Penny hiccupped, her fists pushing ineffectually at his chest. "I hate you! You left me, didn't even care! I tried! I did everything I could! You didn't even care!"

Sheldon's heart broke for her and he released her long enough to tip her head back. He captured her lips and kissed her with all the pent up emotion he had. He poured his love and hopes and fears into that kiss, hoping she would understand. He groaned against her lips as pleasure spread through him. She tasted like cherries. He pushed his tongue past her lips and immediately began to drown in sensations he had no frame of reference for. His body pressed against her instinctively, and his left hand slipped down to her waist. He might have kept kissing her forever if a tear hadn't slid along the seam where their lips met. Sheldon pulled away worriedly, looking into her face. Her eyes were shut, the taut lines indicating pain.

After a second she opened her eyes and he flinched from the anger in them. Her voice was icy when she spoke. "So, that's your deal? A cripple?" she hissed, her hands still curled into fists on his chest. Penny shoved at him one more time, dropping over onto her back. She looked straight up at the ceiling. "Well, have it," she ground out. "After all, you always did think I was a whore. I guess I owe you something for playing nurse."

Sheldon's erection wilted quicker than it had appeared. He slowly sat up and looked at her. It took his several seconds to find his voice. "Is that really what you think of me?" he asked furiously. "That your only redeeming quality to me, to anyone, is sex?"

Penny scoffed up at him. "You spent two years telling me over and over my only talent was trading sex for favors. Then you show back up after two years of complete silence and act like you give a damn. I may not be able to feel your dick, but I'm not stupid. You were rubbing something against me like you couldn't get enough."

Sheldon clenched his teeth against the anger threatening to explode from him. "If anyone else spoke to me the way you do.."

"Then leave!" She screamed. "Run away again! It's what you do, right? Disappear?"

He grabbed her shoulders and pulled her up. He supported her back with one arm, and the free hand gripped her nape. "Dammit, Penny! I love you! Why can't you see that?! I left because I had to! How could you love someone so foolish and beaten down?! _I had to fix me!_ I had to be someone you could admire! Someone who's career and prospects were not shattered by a jealous homunculus!"

He took a deep breath but it did nothing to calm the rage in him. "Two years, Penny! I spent every waking moment for two years struggling to be worthy of you! Working myself into exhaustion every damn night, with just the thought of your smile to keep me going! I was so tempted to give up so many times! But YOU kept me going! You were my strength when I was scared or overwhelmed!"

His voice cracked as he leaned down to press his forehead to hers. He didn't even notice the tears cutting a path down his cheeks. "Everything was for you," he whispered. "Everything I did, I did it for you. For the hope that someday you would love me."

For several minutes the only sounds in the room were muffled crying and shaky breathing. Penny pulled away from him slowly. "You left me," she reminded him. "Whatever your reasons, you left me, Sheldon. You completely cut me out of your life. You were my best friend. I would have done anything for you."

Sheldon's arms were slack as she pushed at his chest to increase the space between them. "I am sick of being abandoned by people I care about. I am sick of doing things for everyone else. Smile, so no one is upset. Go to dinner, to make everyone else happy. Keep trying, for everyone else's comfort." Her eyes blazed with renewed anger. "What about what I want? What about me?!"

She dashed away the tears that started forming again. "I hurt! Every minute of every day, I hurt so fucking bad! My body, my heart, my whole being! I can't take any more!" She broke into rough gasping sobs, and wrapped her arms around her waist. "I just want to not hurt anymore. I don't want this life anymore, Sheldon! It's destroying me bit by bit!"

Sheldon watched the woman he loved collapse into herself. Her pain was almost a physical shroud wrapping itself around her. How could none of them have known this? How had they overlooked the despair that was consuming her? He struggled to find a way to push past that anguish and reach the woman he had known. Was it even possible to fix this?

Penny pulled away from him and twisted her torso to the left, facing away from him. "Please, just leave me alone," she said numbly. "I just want to sleep. I'm so tired."

He debated with himself on what was the best thing to do. In the end, he gave in to his selfish urges. He helped her re-adjust her legs and hips, then he laid down behind her and wrapped an arm over her waist. She stiffened and he knew she was about to protest, so he spoke quickly, but softly.

"Shhh. I know I let you down before, but I'm here now, Penny. I'll never leave you again. I promise." He drew her snug against his chest and closed his eyes. "I swear I'll make it up to you," he whispered. It was a long time before Penny finally drifted off again. It was even longer before he did.


	10. Chapter 10

(**A/N: **I know the angst is pretty thick, right now. Sorry. I think RL was seeping into my story. I probably shouldn't write when I'm feeling low, but after going back and re-reading this far, I can't bring myself to lighten it up.)

**Penny lost control and poured out her anger, pain and despair to Sheldon after he told her he loved her. She doesn't believe him, and he doesn't know how to fix things between them.**

Sheldon sat down on the chair in Stuart's office and pulled out his phone. Bernadette and Missy were upstairs watching The Lake House with Penny, so he had snuck away to call Penny's dad. He hoped Wyatt could help him get some insight into Penny's mind. The phone rang twice before a deep voice spoke.

"Hello?"

Sheldon licked his lips nervously. "Mr. Queen, it's Sheldon Cooper."

"Hello, Sheldon. How's my girl?"

"Sir… I regret to tell you she appears to be in a deep depression. Her physical injuries are mending, but emotionally…"

There was a heavy sigh over the phone. "I was afraid of that. Her mom and I could see it in her for the last year or so. She's always been …difficult to deal with. I'm afraid we messed up when she was a kid."

Sheldon frowned, curiosity building in him. "What do you mean?"

"I'm ashamed of it," Wyatt said softly. "You have to understand, I've always loved my little girl. When she was a kid, I treated her like a boy. Took her hunting, fishing, camping. Signed her up for softball, rodeo, karate, the works. She seemed to enjoy it, I swear, but when she got older, and discovered boys, well, it was hard to let go of all that. It was difficult for me to accept that my little slugger was more interested in school dances than catfish."

Sheldon gripped the phone a bit tighter, hoping that what Penny's dad told him would help him get through to her.

"Joyce, my wife, well, she's had her own demons, you see. She had a rough childhood, and…." Wyatt audibly swallowed. "Joyce is 7 years sober, now. Penny didn't really have a lot of guidance when she was a teen. I didn't know what to do with a teen daughter, and Joyce was sick. Penny told her grandmother once that she felt like she wasn't lovable. I know it's because we didn't show her she was. By the time I realized there was something wrong, Penny was too far separated from us. I've tried to make up for a lot of things, but I know there's nothing I can do to erase those years."

Sheldon closed his eyes and leaned his elbows on Stuart's desk. "She said she hates me," he admitted sadly. "I abandoned her. I thought that she would go on as she always had, being happy and chaotic and basically Penny. I hoped she would miss me a little, but I didn't really think she would."

Sheldon braced his forehead on the palm of his right hand. "I don't think she is suicidal, but I think she cares little what happens to her at this point. I ...I don't know how to make her want to live, sir. I don't know how to help her get well emotionally. I don't even know if I _can_ help her. I've never been very good with emotions, myself."

Penny's dad was quiet for a long moment. "Do you love my little girl?"

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"Then don't give up. Because, honestly, if anyone has a shot at it, it's you," he said firmly.

"Why me?" asked Sheldon, hoping he knew what Wyatt would say, but needing to hear it aloud.

""Because she loves you." Sheldon could almost hear him shrug over the phone. "I know my girl. If she didn't care about you, your leaving wouldn't have made a difference to her. If she didn't love you, she would have made you leave by now."

"She tried to throw me out," Sheldon admitted. "She has told me repeatedly to go away."

"Did she call the cops? Try to have you arrested?" Wyatt asked calmly.

"No," Sheldon admitted with surprise. If Penny had truly tried to get rid of him, a simple 911 call would have worked.

"Then she doesn't really want you gone. She's just hurt, and she is lashing out," Wyatt said. "Penny is hard headed. You're going to have a hard time changing her mind, son. But don't give up on her. She needs you. And I think you need her, too."

"I do," Sheldon said softly. "I have loved her for three years. Part of me wishes I hadn't left, but I had to. I had to fix me. I had …well, let's just say I was barely functioning before. For all my intelligence, I was barely able to take care of myself. I'm no longer that man-child. I am by no stretch of the imagination perfect, but I will always endeavor to do my utmost for Penny."

"You know, the moment you told Leonard that you were back in her life, and not anyone else's, I knew that Penny was in good hands. I don't want to add to your pressures, son, but I've got a lot of faith in you. If I didn't think you were the best thing for her right now, I would have fought that piece of paper at the hospital."

"Thank you, sir," Sheldon said sincerely. "I promise to do my very best. I appreciate you taking the time to speak with me. I know you're a busy man. Farms don't run themselves."

"Call anytime, Sheldon. I'm always here," Wyatt said sincerely.

They said their goodbyes and Sheldon hung up. He leaned back in Stuart's chair and tried to think of what to do next. He needed to find a way to make Penny trust him first and foremost. Without trust, nothing else mattered.

**XXXXX**

He waited until they were alone for the night. Penny was on the couch, watching a rerun of M.A.S.H. Once again, he was surprised by her fondness for a show he would never have imagined she would like. When he questioned her, she said she liked Hoolihan, that the nurse reminded her of her grandmother.

He brought tea over to the coffee table and slipped under Penny's legs. She no longer flinched when he did so. He was counting it as a victory, albeit, a small one. He had spent several hours thinking about his new idea. There were two ways he could go about it. He could force her to go along with him. Or he could ask her to. Both carried high risks. Forcing Penny into anything was a dangerous prospect, physically. Also, she may never forgive him. But asking her, well, he risked her saying no, and being forced to abide by that. He took a moment to settle his nerves and turned to the woman he loved more than anything.

"Penny, next week, when the doctor says your infection is gone, and you are cleared medically, I want to take you somewhere."

She looked at him with surprise. "What? Take me where?"

"Finland." He turned slightly to face her fully. "I want to show you where I've lived the last two years. My work, my apartment, everything. Finland is a very beautiful place, full of culture and fascinating places to see. I want you to see them. Will you let me take you there? For just a little while?"

Penny's expression became closed off swiftly. "Lots of wheelchair ramps in Finland, I guess?"

He shoved aside his immediate anger, and quirked an eyebrow at her. "There's only so much bitchiness I am willing to put up with Penny."

She glared at him fiercely. "You could always leave."

Sheldon shook his head calmly. "No, I cannot. I love you too much to leave."

Penny snorted and turned back to the tv. "I'm not going anywhere. Now, I'd like to watch my show while I still can. Friday the cable is getting cut off."

Sheldon rubbed her knees absently. "No it isn't. I paid the bill. All the bills are caught up, including the rent."

Penny gasped and swung her head back toward him. "What?! I didn't ask you to do that!"

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I am staying here, too. I do not intend to go without cable, hot water or lights. Nor do I intend for you to do without. We may not be married _yet_, but it is still my duty to provide for you."

Penny's hands clenched involuntarily and Whack whimpered under her grip. She immediately released him, making soothing coos to the mutt. She put him down onto the floor and grabbed her right knee. She swung the leg to the floor and grabbed her left. Sheldon clung to it for a second before allowing her to pull it off his lap. Her eyes sparkled, with tears or anger, he wasn't sure since she turned away so quickly. She leaned over her knees, arms wrapped around them tight.

It took him a moment to realize it wasn't anger or tears, but panic setting in. He scooted over immediately and wrapped his long arms around her. Gently he cradled her against him chest and rubbed her back.

"Follow my lead," he said softly. He breathed in deeply and out slowly. It took a couple of tries before she mimicked him, and soon he could feel her relaxing a bit. Okay, so maybe he should have eased into that a little slower.


	11. Chapter 11

**Sheldon keeps pushing Penny, hoping to reach the woman he remembers. Has he finally pushed her too far?**

Once Penny had regained some semblance of calm, he carried her into the bedroom and got her into her pajamas. He quickly used the bathroom and changed into his own flannels before turning out the light and walking over to the bed. He slipped in beside her, ignoring the way her body stiffened. He wrapped his arm around her from behind and buried his nose in her hair. He sighed when he heard the little patter of nails on the floor. He reached behind him and grabbed Whack's scruff. He put him on the other side of Penny and pointed a finger at the dog's muzzle.

"One bite, and you'll sleep in the bathroom from now on!" Whack's lips pulled back in a snarl, but he curled up by Penny's pelvis and put his head on his paws. Sheldon put his arm back around Penny's waist, his hand inches away from those sharp little teeth. Whack must have understood Sheldon's tone because he didn't lunge forward. Sheldon placed a kiss on Penny's shoulder and closed his eyes. "Get some sleep, honey. We'll talk more tomorrow," he murmured. "I love you."

Penny felt him drift off and she bit her lip to keep from making a sound. Take her to Finland? Why? What possible reason could he have for that? And he had paid her bills?! Her stomach churned over how little control she had over her own life. Every decision was made for her! Every day planned out by him! He had completely taken over every aspect of her life, without any regard for what she wanted. She felt so trapped and small.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon finished the dishes from their lunch and then moved to the sofa. He looked at Penny with a frown as she paused the movie. She took a deep breath and looked up at him. Determination and resolve shown brightly in her eyes.

"I think it is time I explained some things," she said seriously.

Sheldon was immediately seized by the urge to shut her up. Whatever it was she was about to say, he was absolutely certain it didn't bode well for him. Or for his chance of being together with Penny. He licked his suddenly dry lips. "Penny, you don't have to explain anything," he said gently.

"I hate you," she continued, as if he hadn't spoken. "I hate you for all the times we laughed, or argued or teased each other. I hate you for all the times you let me lean on you. I hate you for all the times you came to me for help. I hate Soft Kitty, and Halo, and Thai food on Mondays. I hate you because all those things almost destroyed me. _You_ almost destroyed me, Sheldon."

His lungs felt like they were on fire, and he realized he had stopped breathing. He drew in a shaky breath and his head swam.

Penny's eyes were clear and solemn. "I waited for months. Desperate for a response, or a message, or even a damn text. Something, _anything_, to let me know you were okay. I didn't know if you were alive or dead, Sheldon. Every day was a struggle. The only time I didn't feel that my world was collapsing around me was when I was too fucking drunk to feel anything at all. I was a social drinker before the Arctic, but after you left, I got worse. I would go out almost every night and get so drunk I couldn't remember how I got home. There were some mornings I would wake up to find some stranger sprawled out in the bed with me. It took me four months to realize there was a pattern to them. Each and every one of those guys was tall, blue eyed and dark haired. Once I noticed that, I stopped going out. Instead I stayed home and got wasted. I was drinking a bottle of cheap wine almost every night. I would probably still be drinking that rotgut if I hadn't had to stop because of the Hep C treatments."

Sheldon reached over and gripped her hand in his. Pain beat at him and he struggled to find something to say.

"I should actually thank you," Penny mused calmly. "You hurt me, but you also helped me figure it all out." She pulled her hand away and reached for her laptop. She opened it up and turned it to him. Sheldon paled when he read the headline.

**American Scientist Gives Details For Theory Of Multiple Universes.**

He looked up at the woman he loved more than anything. "Penny…"

"I have to admit, I didn't understand it at first. I had to have help deciphering some of the more technical points," Penny said. "But once I did, it opened up my eyes. I know you haven't proven this theory yet, but I also know you have gotten closer than anyone else ever has. I'm sure that one day, you'll succeed."

Penny shifted on the couch, pain flashing across her face. She reached for her tea cup and grabbed some Tylenol from her pocket.

"If you are right, and there are an infinite number of universes out there, then there are possibly an infinite number of Pennys. An infinite number of Sheldons, or Stuarts, or Missys. The possibility of each version being happy is astronomically low." Penny replaced her tea cup and looked at him fully.

Sheldon flinched at the certainty in her eyes. She truly believed what he knew she was about to say. She had the same look in her eyes, that his mom had when spoke of God or Jesus. Complete, and unwavering conviction.

Penny shrugged slightly. "I've spent my entire life doing my very best to be a success. The most I ever accomplished was getting someone's food order right on occasion."

Sheldon set aside the laptop and reached for Penny's arms. She didn't resist as he pulled her onto his lap. He wrapped his arms around her tight, and tucked her head under his chin. "You're wrong," he whispered fervently. "Penny, you can't honestly belief that you are a failure. You are Penny. You are sweetness and joy and chaos. You make everything brighter!"

"I am so tired," she sighed. "I'm worn out, Sheldon. I am tired of fighting against fate. I'm trapped, and it's about time I accepted that. My life was never my own, no matter how much I would like it to be. Every decision gets made for me, every choice is someone else's. Even when I object, I always end up doing something someone else wants."

She gently pulled away from his chest and looked him in the eyes. "I hated you for a long time because I blamed you for leaving. I blamed you for breaking my heart. I understand now though, that it is just the way this world works."

"Last night you said we weren't 'married yet'. I know you feel like you have to take care of me. You can't really want to be saddled with a failure, Sheldon. I am …grateful that you feel fond enough of me to care about my wellbeing. But …"

"If you finish that statement, I swear I will turn you over my knee and spank the hell out of you," Sheldon growled wrathfully.

Penny's eyes widened as she looked at the rage filled expression on Sheldon's face. His skin was a ruddy color, and his brow was drawn into such a tight line, she almost expected his forehead to crack under the pressure. Sheldon picked her up and practically shoved her back into her seat on the sofa.

Sheldon stood and paced furiously. His hands kept clenching and unclenching at his sides. Penny opened her mouth and he stopped to point a long finger at her. "Not another word!" he shouted. His breathing was erratic and his chest heaved. Sheldon resumed pacing, muttering under his breath. After several minutes he stopped and his head dropped backwards wearily. He ran a hand through his hair sadly. He took a deep breath and turned to Penny. He flinched at the fear in her eyes.

"You are partially right," he admitted. "Lately, all of the decisions have been made for you. We …_I _have been so worried, that I just stepped in and did what I thought was best. I didn't stop to ask what you wanted. I was so intent of getting you well again, that I made things worse."

Sheldon moved over to the sofa and got down on his knees in front of Penny. "I'm sorry for that," he said tenderly. "I was trying to make things easier for you, because I love you, Penny. I didn't want you to have to worry about anything, and I inadvertently took away your choices."

Penny started to speak and he leaned forward to kiss her softly. "I let you have your say, now let me have mine," he begged. After a moment, Penny nodded warily.

"You are wrong. Yes, I truly think there are multiple universes. But not once did I ever hypothesize that life in those universes is pre-determined. I don't believe in fate, Penny. I think we make our own decisions, and that those decisions lead to more choices." He reached up to cup her cheek, desperate to make her understand. "You are not a failure, Penny. Do you not realize how incredibly special you are? I spent over 25 years locked into a life of schedules, routines and regulations. It was how I protected myself. How I kept the bullying and humiliation at bay. Every time I was hurt, or teased, or laughed out, I took comfort in the belief that it was just jealousy. Small minds unable to comprehend my greatness."

He couldn't resist leaning forward and placing another soft kiss on her lips. "Then I met you. You completely turned my world upside down. You shattered the walls I had built around myself. The moment you asked if I was a beautiful mind, my life slowly began to spin out of control. Every time we spoke, every moment we spent together, every action between us, spun me further and further out of control. You are like a force of nature, Penny. Uncontrollable, relentless, and oh so appealing because of it."

"I love you, Penny. You can't expect me to believe that the way you make me feel is all for naught. No one in my entire existence has ever made me feel so much. There is no one who touches me the way you do. My world, my whirlwind of a life, revolves around you. You are the eye of a hurricane," he whispered against her lips.

Sheldon kissed her, silently begging for a response from her. After a moment he pulled away, refusing to be disappointed. He stared into those hazel eyes he found so fascinating. "Please give me another chance, honey. Let me show you that I love you. We'll do everything together. Every decision, every choice, we'll make them together. I'll never take your choice from you again, I swear it."

Penny's eye swam with tears. She couldn't risk her heart again. He had almost destroyed her once already. When he left again, she knew he would finish the job. "I can't trust you," she mumbled. "I don't have anything left in me."

Sheldon cupped her nape and shook his head. "I don't believe that. You are hurt, recovering from several injuries. I know things look bad right now, but you can't give up, Penny. Not for me. Not for Mom, or Bernadette, or even Whack. Don't give up _for you_."

Her eyes widened slightly as a small flame lit in her eyes. He held his breath, afraid anything he said or did would extinguish that small hope coming to life in her eyes. She was silent for several minutes. Finally she took a shaky breath.

"Sheldon, I'm scared," she whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed her again. "Me, too, honey. But we're in this together. I swear it."


	12. Chapter 12

**Penny and Sheldon have had a heartbreakingly honest talk. She's not sure she can risk her heart again, and he knows he can't give up. **

It was the last night for everyone to gather. Tomorrow Mary and Missy had to head back to Texas. Mary had a revival to help coordinate, and Missy was out of vacation and sick days. Penny was napping while Mary fried chicken and made a peach cobbler. Missy was mashing potatoes and Stuart was setting the table. Sheldon drew Bernadette across the room.

"I have spoken to Penny about going on a trip with me," he said quietly. "She is hesitant, but I am hopeful that she will agree once the doctor's are certain the infection is gone."

"Penny should be able to walk then, right?" Bernadette asked anxiously.

Sheldon sighed heavily. "There is still no movement, or reaction to stimuli," he admitted. "The therapist said that doesn't necessarily mean she is permanently paralyzed. It could just be that she has more healing to do. But he was not hopeful."

Bernadette sniffled as tears began to form. "She'll give up," the blonde sobbed. "If she can't walk, she'll completely give up!"

Sheldon frowned severely. "The ability to walk does not define Penny. She is stronger than that. She is more than that. Will your love for her decrease because of her lessened mobility?"

Bernadette looked stunned, and dashed away her tears. "Of course not! Penny is my best friend! I love her!"

Sheldon nodded calmly. "Then do not fret. Penny does not need pity. She needs support."

After a moment, Bernadette nodded. "You're right. I'm sorry, Sheldon. It's just that I want Penny to be happy."

Sheldon sighed and looked toward the bedroom door. "As do I."

Bernadette regained her composure and looked up at him. "So, why are you telling me all this?"

He cleared his throat nervously. "Because there are a few things I am going to need to procure for her if she agrees to fly to Hyvinkaa with me. Things I have no idea how to select, or even where to begin looking." He blushed slightly and cleared his throat before glancing over his shoulder. "I need the help of a female, preferably not related to me."

Bernadette grinned widely and his blush deepened. She giggled and nodded. "Make me a list and I'll pick them up as soon as she says okay."

She started to return to the kitchen and help Mary but Sheldon stopped her. "I must ask that you keep this just between you and me. Penny is quite sensitive right now about money. I can well afford to purchase her whatever she will need, and I do not want her to feel like she owes me a debt."

Bernadette nodded quickly. "Okay. I can see how that would be awkward. Like I said, just let me know what you need, when you need it."

"Thank you," Sheldon said sincerely. "I am grateful to you for not only being Penny's friend, but mine as well." She nodded and walked away. Sheldon took a quick look around to see if he was needed. Deciding he wasn't he slipped into the bedroom to check on Penny.

**XXXXX**

Penny stared at her knees, silently willing them to move. Even a twitch or spasm would make her feel better. She glanced at Sheldon in the chair beside her from beneath her lashes. The last few days had been weird, to say the least. He rarely talked about anything except Finland. He told her about the museums, and theaters, and parks. He described the private lab he was working at. He talked about the work he was doing. He even showed her pictures on his laptop of some of the more beautiful sights.

She knew he was trying to tempt her, to interest her in making the trip with him. How could she go anywhere? She had a hard enough time just getting around in her little apartment. She couldn't imagine trying to fly halfway around the world.

The door opened and the doctor walked in, looking at the papers in his hand. He sat down on the stool and looked at Penny. She flinched from the resignation in his eyes. Permanent. She didn't even need to hear him say it. She could read it in his eyes.

"Ms. Queen," he began softly.

"Don't," she said tiredly. "I knew it already. I still can't feel anything and no matter how hard I try, I can't move a muscle." Sheldon's larger hand slipped into hers and she felt oddly grateful that he remained silent.

"Now, don't give up hope," Dr. Reilly said soothingly. "The infection is gone, and the swelling has almost disappeared, but there is still some healing to do. Your body received a lot of trauma. Sometimes there are other things besides the physical that have to heal. You've been battling a severe depression for a long time. The Hep C treatments have exacerbated that depression, which is why you have been taking Ativan also. It's entirely possible that your continued paralysis is a by-product of your mental state."

Penny looked down at her hand in Sheldon's. "So, I can't walk because I'm crazy?"

Dr. Reilly clucked his tongue disapprovingly. "Young woman, I'll overlook that because I know you are angry, but you know better than that. You are depressed. There is a large difference between depressed and unstable."

She blushed guiltily and looked up apologetically. "So now what?"

Dr. Reilly handed her some papers. "Keep trying. I want you to resume taking your Ativan, and in two weeks we'll restart your Hep C treatments. I want the Ativan to have a good head start on getting your depression under control."

He pulled one more piece of paper from the file and handed it to her. "When you called yesterday, I told you that I was unsure about your request. In all honesty, I am still uneasy about having you travel, but my misgivings are outweighed by my certainty that this would do you a world of good emotionally. This is medical clearance to fly. Just don't over do it, okay?"

Penny nodded and took the last form gingerly. She had called the doctor while Sheldon was walking Whack. She wasn't sure she even wanted to go, but she had felt compelled to ask anyway. Dr. Reilly placed a hand on her shoulder comfortingly and said goodbye after reminding them to make a new appointment for the next month.

Sheldon kept his mouth clamped shut, afraid to upset her. She had asked about traveling. He tried to remain calm, and not push, but it was very difficult for him. He watched her closely, various emotions flashing across her face rapidly. Finally Penny sighed softly.

"I have mixed emotions about going anywhere," she said softly. "Here at home, I am, for lack of a better word, safe. My parents are only 4 hours away, Bernadette is nearby, Stuart is across the hall," her eyes flickered up at him worriedly. "And you don't seem to be going anywhere soon."

She licked her lips and he heard the papers crinkle as her grip tightened nervously. "But I'm also tired of staring at the same walls every day. I don't want to go out, where I'm likely to run into people I know, and have to explain over and over what happened. I don't want to see the pity on acquaintance's faces."

After a moment of silence she looked up at Sheldon. "I haven't decided to go with you. But I _am_ considering it. Just, don't push me anymore, okay? Let me decide for myself."

Sheldon leaned down and kissed her gently. "Okay," he promised. "This is your choice. Thank you for thinking about it."

Penny nodded and looked down at her knees again. Sheldon stood and she grabbed his shoulders so he could move her back into the wheelchair. She placed the papers in her purse as Sheldon pushed her out of the doctor's office. She wasn't looking forward to her therapy session, but after that, Sheldon had rented them a couple of movies and promised pizza for dinner. She would hold off on making a decision for a little bit longer.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon snuck a quick kiss to Penny's temple as he carried her up the stairs to their apartment. Her arms tightened a fraction but she gave no other sign she had noticed. Small steps he reminded himself. She had finally become used to him sleeping with her, and she no longer flinched when he helped her dress or undress. He was counting them as small victories in his campaign to win her heart.

He reached the landing for the apartments and froze. Standing in front of their door was Leonard with a bouquet of flowers. Sheldon couldn't contain the growl that seeped from his throat. Penny tensed up and he watched the color fade from her face. He briefly considered turning around and leaving but logically, he knew it was useless. Now that Leonard knew where Penny lived, he would just keep coming back.

He resumed walking down the hallway. Penny buried her face in his neck and he murmured reassurances into her ear. He stopped in front of their door and Penny reached out to unlock the door.

"Hello, Penny," Leonard said warmly. He ignored Sheldon and kept his eyes on Penny's face. "I've been worried about you, so I came to see how you were doing."

Penny opened the door and Sheldon carried her inside. He settled her on the sofa and turned to find Leonard had followed them inside. Leonard continued to ignore Sheldon, moving swiftly to sit on the armchair beside Penny. Sheldon rolled his eyes, instinctively knowing Leonard's smug look signaled he thought he had blocked Sheldon. Whack settled on the floor directly under Penny and growled in a low voice.

Sheldon hung up his coat and Penny's purse before moving to the couch. He slipped under Penny's legs and reached for her hand. "So, what can we do for you, Leonard?"


	13. Chapter 13

**Penny's infection is cleared up, but she still can't walk. She's reluctantly starting to soften towards Sheldon.  
**

_Sheldon hung up his coat and Penny's purse before moving to the couch. He slipped under Penny's legs and reached for her hand. "So, what can we do for you, Leonard?"_

His former friend's face turned a furious shade of red as he stared at their positions. He clenched his hands and bit out, "If you don't mind, I need to speak to Penny. Alone."

Sheldon quirked an eyebrow and opened his mouth. Penny's hand immediately squeezed his. He looked over as she shook her head. "I cannot imagine what you could have to say to me that requires privacy," she said calmly.

Leonard looked nonplussed for a moment. He quickly wiped his expression clear and smiled warmly at Penny again. "I have been very concerned about you. Ever since you left the hospital, I have been hoping to hear from you. How are you doing?"

Penny shrugged one shoulder. "I am healing. How did you find my apartment?"

Leonard looked slightly embarrassed. "I, um, saw you and Sheldon pulling up in a taxi the day before yesterday, when I was picking up a special order comic. I watched him carry you into the building."

"So you decided to just drop in uninvited?" she asked blandly.

Leonard fidgeted uneasily, obviously this was not going the way he had planned. "I worry about you," he insisted softly. "You were badly hurt, and even though we haven't talked in a little while, I still care."

"23 months," Penny said in that flat tone. "We have spoken four times in 23 months. Twice I told you to leave me alone. I have no room in my life for you, Leonard."

His eyes narrowed and his hands clenched tighter. "But you have room for him?" he hissed, nodding his head toward Sheldon. "He left, Penny! He ran away and left! What makes you think he won't do it again?" Leonard slipped from the seat to kneel in front of her and took her free hand in his. "I've always been here. Waiting for you! Why can't you see that? From the moment we met, I've loved you," he vowed.

Sheldon grew anxious as Penny stared at Leonard. Was he slipping past her defenses? He knew that at one point, Penny had cared for Leonard a great deal. Did she still have those tender feeling for him? Sheldon tried to steel himself for the possibility that he was about to lose her to Leonard.

"You forgot all about me when Missy visited. You chased after Alicia like a dog in heat. Yet, you expect me to believe you loved me?" Penny pulled her hand from Leonard's grip, and tightened her hold on Sheldon. "You say you've been waiting on me. Does that mean you haven't so much as looked at another woman?" she asked.

Leonard flushed guiltily and she nodded. "I thought not." She sighed wearily and shook her head. "I'm too tired to sugar coat it, Leonard. You don't love me. You want the hot chick. That's all you've ever wanted. Any girl would do, as long as she was sexy and willing. Well, I've grown past that, Leonard. I'm no longer looking for some guy to fawn over me. I want someone who truly cares about me. Who doesn't care about how I look on his arm, as long as I'm by his side. Someone who doesn't want to show me off, but wants to show me I matter."

She turned to Sheldon. "Would you please take Whack for a walk as you show Leonard out?"

Sheldon nodded and slid out from under her legs. He stood and bent to place a kiss on her temple. "I'll be back soon." He grabbed Whack's leash and gave a whistle. Whack scrambled from under the sofa and stood still while he attached the hook. Sheldon opened the door and looked at Leonard impatiently.

Stiffly Leonard stood and moved toward the door. Just inside the jam he turned and looked at Penny. "If you think he'll ever give you what you want, you're wrong. Sooner or later, he'll leave you again," he sneered.

Sheldon crowded Leonard, forcing him out into the hall. As soon as he had closed the door, he glared at his former roommate. "You are tempting fate," he growled. "I am not the man you once treated as a burden, Leonard. I am not a man easily pushed around, or bullied. Penny is more precious to me than anything you can imagine. Stay away from her, or I will destroy you."

Leonard snorted. "What will you do? Give me a strike? Tell my mommy?"

Sheldon grinned and it made Leonard flinch. He gulped as he saw the fierce, almost maniacal, fury in those blue eyes. Sheldon leaned down slightly, his voice a mere whisper. "I'll start with your career. How would your colleagues, or donors, like to know how you falsified my data? I still have it, you know. Maybe then I'll move on to your love life. Let every woman you so much as look at know how easily your dick leads you around. Maybe then I'll move on to your friendships. Stay away from Penny or so help me god, I. Will. End. You."

Leonard paled and shrunk back from Sheldon. "What kind of man are you?" he gasped.

"A man not to be trifled with," Sheldon said standing tall. "Now, if you will excuse me, I need to get Whack outside. I don't like leaving Penny alone for too long."

Leonard tried to bluster. "You think she needs you?" he jeered.

Sheldon shook his head as he gestured toward the stairs. "You still don't get it. She _does_ need me. As much as I need her."

**XXXXX**

When he returned an hour later, Stuart was sitting in the chair. He and Penny were setting up a monopoly board. She looked up from sorting the money with a smile. "Hey. It's Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer Monopoly. Want to play? I get to be the Abominable Snowman, and Stuart always plays as Yukon Cornelius. You can be Rudolph, Hermey, Santa or Sam the snowman."

Sheldon smiled at the relaxed way she was sitting. It had been quite a while since he had last seen her look so at ease while awake. Usually the only time she wasn't tense as a coiled spring was when she was deep into REM sleep. He had been sure that Leonard's visit would have her upset. He moved to the sofa and picked up the snowman piece. "I always did like Burl Ives."

**XXXXX**

Sheldon sat Penny on the edge of the bed and bent to take off her shoes and socks.

"Sheldon?"

He looked up, immediately concerned by the timidity in her expression. "Is something wrong, Penny?"

"I may never walk again," she said faintly.

Sheldon started to shake his head but he stopped. He sighed heavily. He wanted to reassure her so badly! "You are correct," he finally said as calmly as possible. "You may never walk again. But we don't know for sure yet. Let's not give up."

Penny gave him a slightly condescending look. After a moment she looked down at her knees. "What I'm getting at is, what will you do if I can't? There won't be any reason for you to stick around if this is as good as it's going to get."

"Penny, you can't listen to Leonard," he replied gently. "He's angry and just wanted to hurt me."

She shook her head. "This has little to do with Leonard. I have wondered this before. Listening to him, it just made me want to ask. You're home is halfway across the world. So is your work. You've been here almost two months now. Surely you need to get back sooner or later."

He shrugged and hooked his thumbs in her sweatpants. She leaned back automatically and he slipped them off her legs. "My work can wait. Little has changed in the field of physics in several decades. A few months won't matter."

"But eventually…," she pushed.

Sheldon sighed and rose to sit beside her. He placed two fingers under her chin and tilted her head back. "Penny, I left you once. I don't have the strength to do it again." He looked at her, silently begging her to see the truth in his eyes.

"Penny, I love you. For your joy, your spirit, your temper, your generous heart, your strength, your chaos, your stubbornness and your loyalty. The ability to walk was never a criteria for me. Not even your outer beauty matters to me. I will freely admit, it is what I first noticed about you, but that is not important to me. It never has been. I love you for who you are, not what you look like," he promised solemnly.

Penny licked her lips nervously. She really didn't want to ask this, but she had to. She had to know the honest truth, no matter how much it may hurt. "What about…sex? Are you glad there's no reason now for me to have it?"

He sighed heavily. "Penny, I am not a robot, no matter what anyone thinks. You know full well that my body reacts to yours. No, I am not glad. I desire you more than I know how to say. The thought of joining our bodies together in the most intimate of ways makes me almost hum with excitement. But I do not love you for the possibility of intercourse. Nor do I love you less for the lack of it."

Penny worried her bottom lip between her teeth and reached for her pajama top. Sheldon's words spun around her brain as she tried to figure out how she felt. Two weeks ago, she had been so certain she hated him. She had practically begged him to leave. Now, she couldn't imagine waking up in the morning without him curled up behind her.

Even Whack had finally succumbed to the charms of Sheldon. He never growled anymore at him, and two mornings ago she had woken up to find her pup nestled in the bend of Sheldon's elbow.

Before Sheldon had left for the Arctic, she had considered him her best friend. Sure, she had missed Leonard, too, but she knew it was mostly a mental sort of attraction. Leonard was not her type physically, but she had been so disillusioned by the guys she dated, she had wanted someone safe, reliable. In her heart, she hadn't been surprised by Leonard's betrayal. Everyone betrayed someone. All except Sheldon. She was pretty sure now that he would never have left if he had known how badly it would hurt her. She pulled on the pajama top and took a second to compose herself.

"You said you left to make yourself better. To become someone I was proud of." She looked up at him and slowly raised a hand to his cheek. "Sheldon, you were always someone I was proud of. You were someone I cared about very deeply. My best friend. The one and only person I was positive I could always rely on. You were the one I turned to for advice, and the truth. You were the one I would have defended against anyone."

Penny's vision blurred with the formation of tears. "You broke my heart when you left. It was as if I mattered so little, that you couldn't be bothered to let me know you were okay. I tried so hard to hate you for that. For the pain you caused me. I think I even did for a while." He cringed but she refused to let him pull away by moving her hand to his nape and holding him close. "But I don't hate you. Not really. Because even after two years of silence, you still mean more to me than anyone else."

She took a couple of seconds to search her heart once more before continuing. "I don't know if I love you as a friend, or as more. I know I _do_ love you, though. Please, don't leave me again," she begged brokenly, tears streaming down her cheeks. "It'll kill me if you do it again."

Sheldon sighed softly and pulled her against his chest. He cradled her trembling body against his. "I won't," he vowed. "I won't ever leave you again, Penny."


	14. Chapter 14

**Sheldon and Penny have begun to rebuild the severed bonds between them. He loves her, and is doing his best to be supportive. She suspects she might be falling in love with him, and is doing her best to protect her fragile heart and mind.**

Penny tried not to grimace too much as she fastened her seatbelt. Sheldon had borrowed a colleague's private plane, and the plush seats had little back support. Too soft by far. She didn't want to complain, though. Sheldon would just worry, and there was nothing he could do about it. She made up her mind, though, that when she returned from Finland, she was going to insist on a commercial flight. She couldn't deal with the back pain a second time.

She hadn't known whether the be surprised, annoyed, or humored by the fact that he had asked his lawyer to get her a passport, before he had even seen her at the hospital. She _had_ been annoyed when she found out he had bought her several outfits and a new coat for the trip. She had been stunned when Bernadette showed up with them. Of course, being Sheldon, he had an answer for everything. When she complained about the amount he spent, he said it would cost more if she caught a cold from thin clothing. When she said he should have bought cheaper things, (lord, how was she going to pay him back for that cashmere cape from Harrod's?) he had said these would last her many years to come, and therefore were a good investment. In the end, she had given in, because it seemed to make him happy. (And she DID love the cape.)

Sheldon settled in the seat beside her and buckled up. She didn't wait for him to move. She just went ahead and slipped her hand into his, earning her a rare Sheldon smile. He leaned over and pressed a kiss to her temple.

"Whack is sleeping sedately in the hold. Lean back and get some rest, Penny. We'll be in Finland in about 11 hours. Do you need anything?" he asked.

Penny shook her head. "No, but I'm not really tired, either. How about you talk to me? Tell me how you ended up in Finland."

Sheldon leaned his head back against the head rest. "Well, to be honest, it was because I knew someone there. Karissa Holden. We were colleagues when I was a visiting lecturer in Germany. She works for Tampere University. Through her, I acquired my current job. She also helped me find a nice place in Hyvinkaa. It's about an hour from work, but there are commuter trains that run every hour. It is home to the Finnish Railway Museum, also."

Penny burst out laughing and he grinned bashfully. "Some things never change," Penny teased.

Sheldon suppressed his grin and gave her as stern a look as possible. "Behave, Penny. Santa lives only 8 hours away, and if you aren't good, I won't take you to see him."

Penny's expression turned to confusion. "What are you talking about?"

Sheldon grinned finally. "In a town called Rovaniemi, is the official Santa's Village. Santa's Park is open for it's summer season right now. In three days there is the midsummer solstice. The Nightless Night, it is called. It is the one night a year when the sun does not fully set. I was hoping you might like to go see it. We can travel by train to the park, and take the trails through the forest once we are there."

Penny looked at him in amazement. "Sheldon, that sounds wonderful!" After a moment she paled and looked down. "Sheldon, I can't imagine it would be easy getting my chair across a forest path."

Sheldon placed a hand on her cheek and tilted her head back. He smiled softly. "No, but I was planning on traveling by carriage."

Penny smiled faintly. "You have an answer for everything, don't you?" she teased lightly.

Sheldon leaned over and brushed his lips across hers faintly. "Not everything. I still haven't figured out how to make you love me," he replied calmly. He watched a faint blush creep up her neck with a smile. "Now, lean back and get some rest."

After a couple of seconds Penny slowly nodded and reached to recline the seat. Sheldon drew a blanket over her and she closed her eyes. She bit the inside of her cheek hard to center herself. If only he knew just how dangerously close she was to that very thing. She was going to have to guard her heart much more carefully or else she was going to end up completely under his spell.

Sheldon turned off the overhead light and reclined his own seat. He turned slightly to watch her. He hadn't been lying. He had no idea how to win her heart, but he wasn't about to give up trying. Everything he was, everything he desired, was riding on having her by his side.

**XXXXX**

For once, he regretted that he lived on the first floor. There was no reason to carry Penny. He lead her down the hallway to his apartment and opened the door. He watched her look around the small apartment curiously. He glanced around trying to see it from her point of view. Three rooms, one of which was a bathroom, sparsely decorated with a few figures and collectables. One wall was floor to ceiling bookshelves filled with textbooks, trade paperbacks, and DVDs. A small sofa, a kitchen table that doubled as a desk and his one indulgence, his 52" TV and game consoles.

Penny maneuvered through to the bedroom carefully. He knew it was even more austere. A twin bed, a dresser, and a bedside table holding an alarm clock and a place to charge his phone and laptop. She rolled back out and looked at him with surprise. "Your home is kind of ….bare."

He shrugged sheepishly. "It is not my home. It is just a place to reside."

She watched him place their luggage in the bedroom. He put Whack's carrier on the floor by the bed and opened the door so that the dog could come out when he awoke. She moved to the sofa and locked her chair in place. She scooted forward and leaned over to place a hand on the sofa. She knew Sheldon was watching carefully, ready to spring forward and catch her if she fell. Well, for once her Nebraska hands were coming in handy. She braced one hand on the cushion and swung her hips onto the seat easily. A few tugs to the legs and she was seated as comfortably as possible. She blushed at the mix of pride and regret on his face. She stuck her tongue out at him and he chuckled.

"How about some tea?" he asked, moving toward the kitchenette.

"Okay," she said, as she picked up a magazine on the coffee table. She was surprised to find it was a fashion magazine. At least, she assumed it was, from all the models inside. She flipped through it casually, unable to read of word of the print. "Since when do you follow fashion?" she teased.

Sheldon looked over with confusion. He spotted the magazine and shrugged. "Karissa must have left it here."

As soon as the tea was ready, he sat down beside her and flipped on the TV. Penny laughed when she saw the start menu for Iron Man. Sheldon sat sideways and slid his leg behind her. He pulled her over to him and helped her lift her legs onto the sofa. Soon she was curled up against his chest and they were quietly watching the movie.

Sheldon watched her drift off as Pepper Potts helped Tony change his arc reactor. He glanced around the tiny apartment with a smile. Suddenly, it _did_ feel a little more homey. He laid his chin on the top of her head and smiled. She was home, and it was as simple as that.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon and Penny were having breakfast when there was a knock on the door. He rose to answer it, and Penny looked over the stylish blond curiously. Long white-gold hair, big blue eyes made to appear larger with the artful application of make-up, an almost indecent amount of cleavage shown off by a scarlet blouse, and a short black skirt to show off toned and tanned legs. Penny's mouth almost drooled over the Jimmy Choo heels.

"Sheldon, darling! Why didn't you tell me you were coming home? I'd have made you dinner!" she smiled warmly.

Sheldon stepped back to let her in. "Good morning, Karissa. Come in. I want you to meet Penny." He moved over to stand beside her chair and smiled. "Penny, this is my colleague, Karissa Holden. Karissa, this is Penny Queen."

Penny held out her hand. "Hello," she said in a friendly tone.

Karissa looked at her hand for a moment before gingerly shaking it for a half second. She turned to Sheldon immediately, ignoring Penny. She took a step closer, only inches separating her and Sheldon. "Well, I came over as soon as I heard you were back. Since we didn't get together last night, how about I make you dinner tonight and we can catch up. I've missed our talks," she said, the invitation just shy of blatant.

Sheldon shook his head. "Thank you, but we just arrived last night, and I want to show Penny some of the sights. I thought I would take her to the pub for dinner. There is a live band tonight, if I am not mistaken."

Karissa's smile faltered for a heartbeat, but she recovered just as quickly. "Oh! That does sound wonderful! What time shall we leave?"

Penny's temper was starting to rise. This woman couldn't be more obvious if she stripped naked and did the Cha-Cha! She glanced at Sheldon and realized he was completely clueless. He was frowning slightly and shaking his head.

"Actually, I only reserved a table for two," he explained. "I had not anticipated any one else joining us."

Karissa laughed lightly. "Sheldon, darling, you know how much I enjoy going to our pub together."

Penny didn't miss the subtle emphasis on "our". She could see the confusion in Sheldon's expression that indicated he hadn't missed it either, and it brought out her protective side.

A low whine rose from the bedroom. "Excuse me," Sheldon murmured and he hurried away. As soon as he was through the bedroom door Karissa turned to Penny.

"Let's get one thing straight right now," she said in a warning tone. "I am not about to let you waltz back into Sheldon's life. It has taken me 2 years to get him past the way you people almost destroyed him. So, take the tours, see the sights, then get yourself back to America." Karissa leaned down slightly. "Or I'll shove your ass on a plane myself."

Penny studied the woman carefully. She was no fool, despite her lack of higher education. Something was off about this. The woman's words implied one thing, but her expression said another. Slowly Penny began to piece it together. "You love him, don't you?" she asked as calmly as possible.

Karissa gave one tight nod. "Of course I do."

Penny studied her more. "Are you _in love_ with him?"

Karissa's expression tightened and she nodded again.

Suddenly, Penny smiled warmly at the woman. "Liar," she chided. "You want to protect him, help him, and keep him from harm. Like a sister, almost. I can see it in your eyes. You want me to think you two are together in some way. Scare me off." Penny sighed and waved her hand to Sheldon's unoccupied seat. "Well, it won't work. I know Sheldon too well. No way are you two together."

"And what makes you think that?" the other woman asked haughtily.

Penny shrugged. "Sheldon loves me. He would never tell me he loves me if he was involved with you. He's not a cheater. Never has been. The man is hopelessly honest."

Karissa's expression crumbled and she looked toward the bedroom door sadly. She sank into the empty chair. "Please! Sheldon is one of my dearest friends! I can't watch him go through that again. Don't hurt him!" she begged softly.

Penny clenched her hands together tightly. "Sheldon is the best friend I have ever had. I would never do anything to hurt him. When he left.." she tried to will away the tears trying to form. "It broke my heart for him to leave," she whispered. "I don't know what is happening here. In all honesty, it scares me how much he means to me. I'm worried that if it ends badly again, I may never recover from it."

Karissa looked at her with hope. "You love him?"

Penny sighed. "Yes. I just don't know if it is the love of a friend, or if it is something more."

Sheldon leaned his head back against the door, Whack bouncing around, wanting out. He felt like he was so close to his ultimate dream. A life with Penny in his arms was so tantalizingly close. But he still couldn't quite touch it. It was just millimeters out of his reach. He desperately wanted to close that gap.


	15. Chapter 15

**Penny suspects that it would be so very easy to fall in love with Sheldon. She just isn't sure she can risk it.**

The pub wasn't like any bar she had ever been in. For one thing, they took reservations. They served really good burgers. The band was actually good. Best of all, it was clean and welcoming. Not like the dives and clubs she was used to at all. They had ordered the locally made cider, after the waitress assured them it was non-alcoholic. Penny knew better than to mix her Ativan with liquor.

She leaned back in her chair and patted her stomach with a wry grin. "Okay, I admit it. The buttered sweet potato fries were delicious."

He smiled widely. "Never doubt a man with a discerning palate, Penny. I came here every Sunday for the first year and tried something different on the menu until I found my favorites. The mushroom and swiss burger with the sweet potato fries is the hands down winner."

He held out his last fry to her and she shook her head with a laugh. "Oh no! I'll explode!" She sipped her cider as the band wound down. "So, now that you're back, I expect you will need to get back to work."

He shrugged nonchalantly. "I might check in later this week. I want to show you the town, first. And Santa's Park." He cleared his throat a bit nervously. "Penny, there is something I want to make very clear. When I first arrived, Karissa and I spent a lot of time together. She helped me get settled, learn the language, and find my way around. Many thought we were an item, but Karissa is a colleague, only. I don't want you to think I have been …unfaithful" he trailed off with embarrassment.

Penny sipped her drink slowly, studying him. "Sheldon, you don't owe me any explanations," she said finally. "You make it sound like you were cheating or something."

He looked at her fully. "For me, it would have been. My heart has belonged to you for a very long time, Penny. I do not want to make you uncomfortable," he promised, "but in my heart, there is only you. Even if all we ever are is friends, I will always love you. To be with anyone else, in any capacity, would be tantamount to adultery for me."

Penny's eyes were huge and she licked her lips warily. "So, by that reasoning," she murmured, "I was cheating every time I went out."

Sheldon shook his head. "No. You don't love me. You have never made any promises to me. While I do consider it poor judgment on your part, I do not hold any of that against you. I am grateful you ceased that behavior. You could have been hurt," he whispered sadly. "Or even killed. Besides, I hold much of the blame for that. If I had not hurt you, you would not have engaged in said behavior."

Penny nibbled her bottom lip and reached out to take his hand in hers. "Sheldon, I do care for you," she promised. "I just don't know how deep that goes. I've never really been in love before. I always confused lust for love. Or I was desperate not to be alone. I don't know if what I feel for you is because I love you, or if it's because of this situation. For two years I was so angry at you, but I missed you so much. If asked, I'd have given anything to have you back. But am I happy now because you are back in my life? Or am I happy because I am not going through this alone? Or, even more unsettling, am I happy because I know you are suffering along with me?"

Her eyes filled with tears and she bared her soul, knowing she was risking everything. He may end up hating her for this. "Am I be so vindictive that I still want you to suffer? To feel every pain I felt? I can't lie to you, Sheldon. When you first came back, I wanted that. I wanted you to hurt. I wanted to rip out your heart. The day I went home from the hospital, and you told me you had moved in, I prayed for us to switch places. I wanted you helpless and in pain." She sobbed softly, not noticing that he had moved his chair beside hers, and pressed her head against his shoulder.

"I'm so sorry," she whispered over and over, one hand clutching at his shirt, the other a tight fist between them. Sheldon waved away a concerned wait staff, and gently whispered reassurances in her ear.

Guilt washed over him once more, knowing this was his fault. He couldn't blame her for how she felt, when he had caused it. And now, their wonderful evening out had been ruined because he had brought up the past.

After a few minutes, Penny had calmed down and he asked for their bill. They silently made their way outside, and began the short walk home. When he unlocked the front door and followed her inside, she sighed heavily. "Sheldon? Can we just go to bed? I'm exhausted, and I just want …"

She looked up and he could see the fear of rejection in her eyes. He knew that look all too well. He had it in his own eyes more than he liked to admit.

She slowly held out a hand. "I need you to hold me. Please?"

Sheldon hung up his jacket and her cape and scooped her up in his arm. He walked past a sleeping Whack on the sofa and took her into the bedroom. He sat her on the narrow bed and helped her take off her shoes and tights. She pulled her dress over her head and he handed her a sleep shirt. He quickly undressed and pulled on his pajamas before helping her scoot into position on the bed. He slipped in behind her and pulled her tight against his chest.

"I understand," he said softly against her neck. "I am not angry, I promise. If anything, I am relieved. If you truly hated me, you would not regret your anger."

Penny sniffled and turned her head to look at him. "It would be so much easier if you did hate me," she admitted. "Or if I could hate you. Then we wouldn't have all these rollercoaster moments."

Sheldon leaned up and kissed her softly. "I would rather have this, than have nothing at all, Penny. Now get some sleep. Tomorrow we are going to the museum."

Penny smiled softly and laid her head back down. She snuggled back deeper his arms and closed her eyes. Sheldon placed a kiss on her shoulder and closed his own.

**XXXXX**

Sheldon was in the bathroom giving Whack a good scrubbing when there was a knock on the door. Before she could say anything, it opened and Karissa stepped inside. Penny groaned as she looked at the Alexander Wang ankle strap booties the blonde wore. They were ones she had drooled over many times, but at $625 a pop, would never be able to afford. "I want to hate you so badly," Penny muttered.

Karissa's eyes widened for a moment before she realized Penny was teasing. "May I ask why?"

"Penny has a shoe fetish," Sheldon said as he entered the main room. He was sopping wet from neck to waist. He turned stern eyes to Penny. "That mutt is a devil." He walked over to the small closet by the window and grabbed a couple of towels. He headed back to the bathroom mumbling about kennels and the superiority of cats.

Penny giggled and moved her chair to the kitchen. "Want some coffee?"

Karissa took a seat at the table and shook her head. "No, thank you. What on earth is he doing?"

"Whack, my dog, is going with us to the museum. Sheldon insists he needs a bath first. I told him that Whack hates water." Penny looked slyly at Karissa. "Well, I may have downplayed how much Whack hates water, but I _did_ warn him."

Karissa gave a surprised burst of laughter. "Oh, that is bad, Penny! I love it!"

"Thanks," Penny laughed. "So, what are you doing today?"

Karissa shrugged. "I have no plans. I thought I would see if you both would join me for dinner tonight. I found this delectable recipe for cloudberry tarts, and thought I would try my hand at them. I thought we would have Lohikeitto, a salmon soup, for our meal." Penny bit her bottom lip for a moment, her natural American food snobbery hard to suppress. Karissa smiled and patted her hand. "Trust me, it is very good. The soup is made from salmon filets, potatoes, leeks, and mushrooms. Nothing too strange."

Penny was surprised by how her mouth watered at the description. "That does sound good," she agreed. "What is a cloud berry?"

Sheldon stepped back into the room, Whack wrapped in a towel, and whining pitifully. "They are pale peach in color and resemble blackberries in shape. They are slightly tart if eaten fresh. However, the jam made from them is excellent on waffles."

He placed Whack on Penny's lap, kissed her cheek, nodded to Karissa and stalked back to the bedroom. "I need a shower," he groused.

Penny giggled quietly as she dried off Whack. Karissa reached over to pet him, before Penny could warn her. Penny's jaw dropped as Whack leaned forward and licked the other blonde's hand happily. "Holy frak," she said with a grin. "Whack has never taken to anyone so quickly."

Karissa winked. "I have a female Pekinese in heat. I'm betting he smells her." Whack wiggled and tried to get over to Karissa. "But hey, I'm not picky. I'll take all the puppy love I can get, no matter why it's offered." She picked Whack up and plopped him down on her lap and began towel drying his fur.

Penny picked up her coffee and sipped it. "Karissa, come with us, today. To the museum, I mean. You and I can get to know each other better. I'm sure you and Sheldon have some catching up to do. He told me you two used to spend a lot of time together."

Karissa looked at her worriedly. "Only as friends," she hurried to assure Penny. "I know I acted territorial yesterday, but I was just trying to protect my friend."

Penny waved a hand calmly. "I know that, but I also know Sheldon doesn't make friends often, or easily. I don't want my visit to keep you two apart."

Karissa's expression turned shrewd. "Are you sure you are just visiting?"

Penny blushed. "Yes. I have a home in Pasadena. A job, friends, family. I am just visiting."

Karissa looked disbelieving, but didn't say anything else about it. Instead, they talked a bit about Karissa's work as a linguist, and the upcoming museum trip.


	16. Chapter 16

**WARNING! ** I'm changing the rating because I expanded on the middle section of this story a bit. After reading it through again, I realized it needed to be fleshed out a bit more (no pun intended). It's not explicit, but it's intimate enough that I feel the rating should change for my own peace of mind.

* * *

**Penny is trying not to become too emotionally invested in Sheldon, but she's not having much luck.**

Sheldon smiled as they walked around the museum. Of course, the museum always made him smile, but this time, he had the added delight of knowing that Penny was enjoying it, as well. She studied the English pamphlet intently as they made their way to the small café for a break. Karissa carried Whack in her arms (since when did he make friends so easily? Traitorous pup!) while telling Penny about the first time he had come here. He groaned and tried to silence his friend by glaring at her. Of course, she ignored him.

"..so when I finally caught up to him, he was literally 10 seconds away from being escorted off the premises by an irate staff because he kept correcting them on the purpose of various levers," Karissa blabbed.

Penny was laughing so hard, she gave a snort. Tears were pouring down her face and she kept clutching her ribs. "Oh my god! I can just see it!' she gasped out. "Oh, Moon Pie! That's so you!"

Sheldon almost stumbled a step and his heart jumped in his chest. Moon Pie. Hope beat through him at the use of his nickname. He hadn't even realized how much he missed that. He drew the chair to a stop, unable to act casual. Both women looked at him curiously, but he just reached forward to tilt Penny's head back. He bent and kissed her deeply.

Penny stiffened for a heartbeat, stunned by this kiss' intensity, but as his lips moved against hers, she couldn't help but feel a familiar warmth spread through her chest. She wasn't sure which was more surprising, the fact that he was kissing her so passionately in public, or the fact that she was enjoying it. A lot. When he pulled away, she couldn't help leaning up slightly, to follow. She blushed at the ardent look in his eyes.

Slowly he grinned. "You called me Moon Pie," he said softly. "I have missed that." Penny's blush intensified and he smiled wider. "Oh, and only Meemaw can call me that," he reminded her as he resumed their walk.

Neither of them noticed Karissa putting away her phone silently. She grinned to herself. She was absolutely positive now that Penny loved Sheldon. Maybe she would print out that picture and present it to them as a wedding present.

**XXXXX**

Penny nibbled on her bottom lip as Sheldon changed into his pajamas. Until today, she had paid little attention to him changing in front of her. But now, after that intense kiss at the museum, she found her attention drawn to him. Lean muscles flex in his back as he reached for his top. He turned slightly, and her eyes traced the slight six-pack. Slowly she looked up his torso, reaching his face. Sheldon was watching her, his eyes wide. The top hung from his shoulders loosely as he watched her watch him. Tentatively he turned and moved closer.

He stopped a couple of inches away and Penny licked her lips nervously. She raised her right hand to lightly touch his jean covered hip. She looked up at him and took a shaky breath. "Kiss me," she demanded gently.

Sheldon got down on his knees so they were almost eye level and pressed his lips to hers without hesitation. She wound her arms around his neck and kissed him back. Sheldon's blood was on fire. He slid his arms around her and held her tight to his chest. He had no idea how long they kissed, his entire being focused on the sensations rampaging through him. He finally broke away to catch his breath and was shocked to find them laying across the bed. He was pressed against her thigh, his erection throbbing. Penny's eyes were wide, her breathing erratic. He started to pull away, but froze when Penny's hand moved between them to brush against his hard length.

He closed his eyes tight as she did it again before closing her hand over him. "P..Penny.."

"Shh," she whispered softly. Her free hand drew his head down to the crook of her neck and she stroked him firmly. He groaned and pressed into her hand. He breathed in the soft scent of her vanilla soap and tried to keep from bucking hard against her pliant body. He was so lost in the pleasure of her touch he almost didn't hear the sound of his zipper being undone.

He grabbed her wrist instinctively, raising up to look into her eyes. Penny hesitated a heartbeat before using her other hand to draw him down for another kiss. Slowly he sank into the kiss and his hold on her wrist loosened. He moaned and pulled away from her mouth as her hand slipped inside his clothes.

Ever since he was a hormonal teen, he had taken care of his sexual needs himself. It had always been a perfunctory task, as necessary as eating or bathing, for his body's optimal maintenance. And while ejaculation did result in temporary pleasure, it was not something he gave much time or thought to.

But this? The feel of Penny's soft hand wrapping around him? The way the pad of her thumb grazed across the head of his manhood? This was madness. This was ecstasy. This was beyond his wildest imaginings. His breathing grew erratic and shallow as he struggled to retain some semblance of control. When she pushed one side of his pants down his hip, he lifted up and shoved the other side down immediately. He sprang free of the restrictive material and she grasped him fully in her hand.

He shuddered against her as pleasure began to build up inside him. He forced his eyes to re-open and locked his gaze on hers. Promise shown brightly in her hazel eyes as she pumped him steadily. His tremors increased as he neared climax. He cupped her cheek with one hand, the other clenched in the covers beside her head. He pressed his forehead to hers, staring deep into her eyes as he peaked.

He slowly tilted his head and kissed her softly. "I love you," he whispered.

Penny closed her eyes briefly and looked back at up at him. "Sheldon, I …I care about you. I …"

He nodded as calmly as possible. "I know, Penny. I know."

**XXXXX**

Penny tucked the blanket around her legs and looked around the train compartment for Sheldon. For two days things between them had been a bit …weird. It was her fault. They had shared a special moment, something really intimate, and how had she responded? _"I care about you." _Since then, Sheldon had kept a bit of distance between them. She would not have believed there was a way for them to lay curled in each others arms at night, and still feel like there was a yard of space between them.

What the hell was wrong with her? This was Sheldon! She knew him! Sheldon was hopelessly honest, and reliable. He loved her, and she was fighting him every step of the way. She was just so scared to risk her heart. She clenched her hands tight and leaned her head back against the head rest. For two years she had felt nothing but worthless. Stupid, useless Penny, who was so easily forgotten. It had taken losing her ability to walk to even get his attention.

She sighed sadly. That wasn't fair, she thought to herself. Sheldon had no idea how badly his leaving had made her feel. Of course, he might have known if he had ever read her emails. She turned her head to look out the window. She just felt so conflicted anymore. She felt something for Sheldon that she had never felt before. If she was honest, she suspected that she was already falling in love with him. The physical aspect was the biggest hurdle for her. She liked him. She wanted to be around him. He made her feel special and happy. She even felt desire for him. But how could she act on that? She felt pretty much useless as a woman now.

Sheldon came down the aisle and settled into his seat. "We should arrive right around 6pm," he said as he handed her a cup of coffee. He smiled in a friendly fashion. "I have already arranged for a carriage to pick us up at the station. Are you comfortable?"

Penny turned to face him. "We need to talk," she answered quietly. "About the night before last."

Sheldon's expression closed off and he looked away. "Penny, we do not need to discuss …"

"Yes," she said a bit more forcefully, still keeping her voice low. "Please," she mumbled softly, "I'm sorry." She hesitantly reached out and slipped her hand into his. "I didn't mean to do something you didn't want. I was just …" she broke off awkwardly. She took a deep breath, no longer daring enough to look him in the eye. "I wanted you to feel good. The way your kisses made me feel."

She bit her lip as Sheldon reached over to cup her cheek. His thumb rubbed across her cheekbone and she looked back up. She sucked in a harsh breath at the fire in his eyes.

"I thought you felt like I was pushing you," he said softly. "I don't want you to think I am only after coitus. What happened was beyond description, Penny. You know very well how much I enjoyed it. But you received nothing in return. I have told you over and over that I love you. I mean it each and every time. I am not expecting you to return those words. I don't want you to, unless you truly feel that way. However, I still feel as if I am taking advantage of you and our situation. I am perfectly content to wait, Penny. Sexual relations are not a high priority for me. I just want to be with you."

Penny smiled softly. "Sheldon, you didn't push me into anything. I wanted to touch you. In fact, I want to touch you again, right now. Look, I'm not sure if a physical relationship is even possible for me, but I'm attracted to you, Sheldon. I feel emotions for you that, frankly, scare me. I'm terrified that when this is all over, I'll lose you again. But I want your kisses. I want you to hold me. I want to touch you."

She drew him down for a tender kiss. "If you don't want this, then I'll abide by that. But don't feel bad for what we did. I'm going to treasure that memory for the rest of my life."

After a few heartbeats Sheldon smiled wryly. "We couldn't have discussed this last night? It's going to be hours before I get you back home and into my arms, you know. You, my dear, are a tease."

Penny grinned cheekily and kissed him quick. "Now, tell me more about Santa's Park."


	17. Chapter 17

**Penny has a lot of fears about not only what there is between her and Sheldon, but whether she is even physically capable of being in a true relationship now. **

Penny held on tight as Sheldon carried her over to the low slung, horse-drawn carriage. The man holding the reins grinned widely as he watched them approach. "Hello, my friend. So, this is your Penny, huh? She's much prettier than you said."

Sheldon blushed and muttered "knew I should have hired a stranger" under his breath. Penny laughed aloud at his words and he blushed brighter. He cleared his throat. "Penny, this is Valto Saari. He is a physicist I work with." He settled her on the padded seat and climbed up beside her. "Valto, this is Penny Queen. Kindly keep your remarks to yourself."

Valto laughed loudly. "Oh no, my friend. You cannot expect me to keep quiet. You have spent two years expounding on the qualities of this young woman. You have only yourself to blame for my curiosity."

Valto smiled warmly at Penny. "Welcome to Santa's Park, my dear. If you are half as sweet as you are comely, then Sheldon is indeed a very lucky man."

Penny snickered and leaned against Sheldon's arm. "Sheldon told you about me? What did he say?"

Valto grinned and Sheldon groaned. Penny looked from one to the other. She definitely had to know, now! The man flicked the reins and the horses began a slow trot. "Let's see. You are vibrant, loyal, and courageous. You never give up, no matter what happens. You play video games like a pro, and make everything brighter. You are very scary if woken up, and tend to punch first and ask questions later. You steal milk and internet, but when he needed anything, you were right there for him. Oh, and you have absolutely no self-control when it comes to tormenting my young friend here."

Penny sniffed and tried to hide the tears forming in her eyes. She felt Sheldon stiffen beside her and when he slipped an arm around her worriedly, she looked up and shook her head. "You really said those things?" she asked softly.

Sheldon nodded, his expression one of concern.

Penny laid her head on his shoulder. "Thank you," she whispered.

Slowly he relaxed and wrapped his arms around her loosely. "It is the truth," he reassured her. "When we met, I was concerned about integrating you into my life. You are the polar opposite of me, Penny. Open, friendly, exasperating, chaotic and utterly unmanageable. But like a moth drawn to a flame, I was continuously drawn to you."

"You managed to keep away for two years," she reminded him hesitantly.

Sheldon shrugged calmly. "I had to move halfway across the world to do it," he reminded her. "I was already thinking of returning when Bernadette called me. I missed you. If she hadn't called, I do not think it would have been much longer before I returned on my own. Your accident just sped that along."

She looked at him with stunned confusion. "You were coming back anyway?"

He nodded. "I felt I was almost ready."

"Ready for what?" she asked.

"For you," he said softly. "I felt I was close to being the kind of man you would approve of."

Penny shook her head firmly. "You didn't have to wait two years for that, Sheldon. I'll be honest. You had a few quirks that were annoying as hell, but they were also kind of endearing. I _liked _who you were. I like the man you are. But I liked the man you were, too. I ….I miss that Sheldon some. The guy who triple knocked on my door and called my name. The guy who took a bus to my job and asked me to take care of him because he was sick. The guy who hung my underwear on a telephone wire."

Valto gave a surprised bark of laughter. He looked over his shoulder at them. "Sheldon did that? How did he manage that?"

Penny shook her head wryly. "I never did figure it out. I had to call his mom and she made him take them down and give them back."

Sheldon cleared his throat with embarrassment. "Not _all_ of them. I kept a little white camisole with little green butterflies on it."

She looked at him with a slack jaw. "That's what happened to it?! Why didn't you give it back?"

He shrugged slightly. "It smelled like peaches and vanilla and the butterflies are the same color as your eyes."

Penny looked suspicious. "You still have it, don't you?"

He hesitated a moment and decided to be completely honest. After all, only complete sincerity and candor had gotten him anywhere with Penny. "It's in my desk at work. I keep it in a ziplock bag so the scent doesn't fade. When I am upset or lonely, it makes me feel closer to you."

Penny thought about it for a bit. "Okay, I'm not sure if that's really sweet, or really creepy."

Valto glanced back at her. "Go with sweet."

Sheldon sent his colleague a glare but Penny smiled. "You know, I think I will. It sounds a bit less complica…"

After a couple of heartbeats Valto and Sheldon both glanced at her worriedly. Penny's eyes were wide and her jaw hung open. Her right hand grabbed Sheldon's knee and squeezed tight. Slowly she blinked a couple of times.

"Oh my god," she breathed softly.

Sheldon and Valto looked forward at the view. They were just coming to the edge of the woods and before them was a panoramic view of the mountain ridge. The sky was a riot of pinks and reds with streaks of violet. To the left they could see the rooftops from Santa's Village in the distance.

The temperature was in the mid 60's but Penny felt a shiver run down her spine anyway. She could see little groups of people dotting the landscape, but somehow it felt like it was just them at the edge of the world. The enormity of the scene dwarfed her. Her hand clung to Sheldon tightly as she stared at the sky. Never in her life had she seen anything so incredible.

Several minutes passed before she finally began to relax a little bit. She was afraid to say anything, to shatter the peace and joy that seemed to envelope her. She eased back slowly until she was braced against Sheldon's chest. She released his knee and threaded her fingers through his. She watched silently as the sun dipped to the edge of the mountain ridge and slowly began to climb again. She wasn't sure how long they sat there, but she knew it had to be hours because it had gotten a bit colder. At some point Sheldon had placed a blanket over their legs and had adjusted his position so that she was now sitting on his lap, his arms around her waist.

Valto had unharnessed the horses and moved them a few feet away so they could eat some grass. She looked at Sheldon and smiled softly. "This is the most amazing thing I have ever seen. Thank you."

Sheldon tilted her head back slightly and kissed her. "I knew you would like it as much as I do."

He knows me well, she thought to herself. She laid her head back against his chest and closed her eyes as she realized something important. Sheldon had brought her to the Arctic Circle. The place where his world fell apart. And he had done it to make her happy. This part of the world should hold nothing but bad memories for him, yet he had found something in it to make him smile. And he had shared that with her.

On the heels of that realization came another. She loved him. There was no maybe to it. There was no guarding against it. It was a done deal. She loved him, wholeheartedly.

**XXXXX**

Karissa opened her door with a grin. "Back already?" she asked.

Sheldon nodded and stepped into the much larger apartment. Whack ran over and sat on his haunches beside Sheldon's leg. He bent to rub the mutt's back before turning to Karissa. "Valto asked me to give you his regards and to remind you that he will see you on Thursday."

Karissa smiled. "I was wondering if you would hire my cousin or not. He has the best horses in Lapland. But he is also an incorrigible gossip."

Sheldon nodded slightly. "He spent the journey to and from the park telling Penny everything he knew about me, her, and life in general."

Karissa frowned as she studied Sheldon. "What has happened? You are not happy."

Sheldon sighed and ran a hand down his face tiredly. "Penny is going back," he murmured. "When we were on the train, she said she wants to go home to Pasadena. The day after tomorrow if possible." He bent and picked up Whack. "And she wants to go alone. She is speaking to her dad right now, arranging for him to meet her at the LAX airport and pick her up."

Karissa gasped and shook her head. "But Sheldon, she can't! You have to make her stay here! She loves you! I know she does! If she leaves.."

Sheldon shook his head firmly. "No!" His voice was firm, just shy of a shout. He took a steadying breath and turned toward the door. "I promised her I would never take her choices from her again. I cannot force her to stay, nor can I force myself on her. If she wants to leave, I will let her."

"But you love her," Karissa whispered.

He nodded once, sharply. "Which is why I have to let her go."

**XXXXX**

Penny lay awake long into the night. She knew Sheldon was upset with her. She couldn't fix that. The realization that she loved him was almost overwhelming. She had to go back. She had to fix some things. And she couldn't do that with his arms around her, his kisses blurring her mind. She didn't even dare explain it to him. She was afraid that if she told him she loved him, told him why she had to go back, he would insist on going with her. She simply told him she had something she had to do, and she had to do it alone. Otherwise she would never feel whole again.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sheldon is devastated that Penny is leaving. Penny is scared and confused but determined to figure out what she is capable of now.**

She clung to her dad's neck as he settled her into the work truck and threw her bags into the back. Wyatt was silent as he hopped into the driver's side and started the truck up. She waited until they were on the interstate to speak. "Dad, I'm going to need to stop by Cal-Tech. I need to speak to Leonard."

Wyatt looked at his daughter with surprise. He had never known what drove the wedge between her and the boys, not even knowing there _was_ a wedge until her accident, but he had quickly learned that she felt nothing but contempt for the boys she had once considered close friends. "Can I ask what about?"

Penny shrugged. "He has something I intend to get back."

Wyatt turned his attention back to the road. "Okay, slugger. Want me to go with you?"

She shook her head. "No. But there is something I need you to do for me." Penny carefully explained what she wanted him to do and Wyatt nodded. He couldn't help admiring the determination and drive in his daughter.

**XXXXX**

Leonard opened his office door and his eyes widened with shock. "Penny?" He quickly stepped back as she pushed herself forward. He glanced at Ramona who was hastily smoothing her hair back into place and blushed.

Penny paid no attention to the thin redhead. Instead she faced Leonard. "I want you to go to your boss and tell him the truth about the Arctic results."

Leonard's blush disappeared along with all the other color in his face. He swallowed and quickly moved Ramona toward the door. As soon as she was in the hall, he shut it firmly. He turned back to Penny and tried puppy eyes on the blonde he still dreamed about.

"Penny, that was a long time ago. And what happened, well, I'm not proud of it, but it wasn't our fault. We didn't make him send that email. He embarrassed himself by bragging. He hadn't even tested his results yet! He jumped the gun and when he got embarrassed, he ran away. We kept the original data." He pulled his desk chair over and sat down. He gave her his best innocent smile and picked up her hand in his. "We tried to bring him back, remember?"

"What I remember," Penny said steadily, "is that Sheldon took you, Howard and Raj with him on an important research project. He wanted you three there because he trusted you and wanted to include you in his life's work. You went hoping for glory. Not for the work, or to support your friend, but because you thought it would make you famous if he succeeded. You had lived with Sheldon for six years. You knew what he was like. But instead of supporting him, keeping him focused and being honest with him, you plotted to kill him, you faked his results, and you destroyed his confidence. You destroyed his reputation. You ended his career here, and you're only excuse is that he should have known better?"

Leonard flinched slightly, but he shook off the shame he felt. He just knew that this was his chance to get through to her. After all, she was his dream girl. Sure, the wheelchair was a bit of a deterrent, but she was still gorgeous. And once she was walking again, she would look fabulous on his arm!

"Penny, you don't know what it was like. He was crazy! He wasn't eating or sleeping, and all he did was work. Every time we turned around, he was hunched over that equipment, muttering to himself. We had to do it! The can opener was the only way to keep him out of our hair!"

Penny tugged her hand from his and wiped it on her pants leg. She looked at Leonard with disgust. "So, you were worried because he was working? Because he was focused on the very reason for the trip? Did you go into this thinking it was some sort of weird vacation, Leonard? He was there to prove M-theory! He wasn't there to keep you guys happy!" She shook her head and took a deep breath. "Are you going to come clean or not?"

Leonard looked at her carefully. As beautiful and sexy as she was, he wasn't about to endanger his career for the chance at getting into her bed. Besides, it wasn't really his fault! Sheldon was an ass. Always had been! He had actually been considering moving out when Penny had moved in. He could finally afford a place of his own. But then they met, and he had stayed. Leonard stood up and shook his head. "It's ancient history. I'm going to leave it that way."

Penny wheeled herself toward the door and opened it up. Leonard felt faint when he saw President Seibert and Professor Gabelhauser standing there with Penny's dad. Behind them, looking scared and a bit faint were Howard and Raj.

President Seibert held out his hand to Penny and smiled gently. "Ms. Queen, we owe you a debt for bringing this injustice to our attention. If you ever need anything, please do not hesitate to call on me."

Penny shook his hand and moved into the hallway. "Thank you for taking the time to listen at the door. I know this is going to be a big problem for you, but I trust you'll handle the matter honestly."

Professor Gabelhauser nodded grimly. "Don't worry, Ms. Queen. We intend to deal with this matter now. Wolowitz, Koothrappali, inside!"

Penny looked up at her dad as the door to Leonard's office shut. "I'm ready to go to the apartment, now."

He took the handles of her chair and they headed toward the parking lot. "What was it Leonard had?"

She answered calmly. "Sheldon's reputation."

**XXXXX**

Penny smiled when they entered the comic shop. Stuart walked over with a grin and she pulled him down for a hug. "Miss me?" she laughed.

Stuart grinned his rare smile. "Of course." He looked around curiously. "Where are Whack and Sheldon?"

"Finland," she replied with a wry tilt of her mouth. "I figured that if I left Whack, Sheldon knew I'd be back. So, how's life?" she asked as she locked in the brakes and handed him her purse.

Wyatt bent and scooped her up and followed Stuart toward the stairs. "Well," the usually morose man said slyly, "I've started dating someone."

Penny grinned widely. "No way! Who?"

"Me."

Penny's jaw dropped as she looked at Bernadette coming out of Stuart's apartment. "Holy crap on a cracker! When did this happen?"

Stuart blushed and took Bernadette's hand in his before reaching forward and opening Penny's door. "Well, it's your fault, actually. We ended up spending so much time around each other while you were healing, and then the day after you left, I called her up to see if she had heard whether you and Sheldon got to Finland okay."

Bernadette smiled. "I asked him to come by for dinner so we could discuss it, and well,…."

Stuart blushed and looked down. "We ended up having breakfast together, too."

Penny laughed with delight as Wyatt sat her on the sofa. Joyce grinned at the couple from the kitchen. "I thought you two would be good together. Bernadette's bubbliness is the perfect balance to your seriousness." She walked over and settled in beside her daughter. Penny smiled happily and hugged her mom close.

Bernadette hurried over and sat beside Penny. "So? How was the trip? How's Sheldon? Will he be joining you soon? Where's that demon dog of yours? Did a reindeer eat him?"

Penny laughed until tears formed in her eyes. "Sit, Dad. You need to hear this too." Penny took a moment to calm herself and focus. "Okay, here's the deal. I love Sheldon. Whatever happened in the past, I love him now. So, I'm going to go see Dr. Reilly tomorrow. I'm going to resume the Hep C treatments. He said before that he thinks that with aggressive treatment, I can be Hep free in six months. I already owe a crap load of money, but luckily, the lawyer Dad hired has gotten the city to agree to a settlement. They are incurring all of the bills from my surgeries and treatments from the accident and giving me good chunk of money. It isn't enough to pay _all_ my medical bills, but the hospital thinks I can apply for low income status and get a lot of the bill reduced or even deferred."

Penny paused and took a deep breath. "And then I'm going back to Finland. If Sheldon wants me, I'm going to stay with him. I don't know what kind of relationship we can have, with me being paralyzed, but I want to try. I want to be with him. No," she said with a shake of her head, "I _need_ to be with him. Maybe in another universe, we are together and it's perfect, but in this one, it's not. But that's okay. Because he loves me, and I love him. We'll figure it out. I have to believe that."

Wyatt placed a comforting hand on her shoulder. Penny looked at her mom worriedly. "I'll miss you, Mom. And Dad, too. But I can't let this chance go."

Joyce tucked Penny's hair behind her ears. "Sweetheart, your father and I love you. I know we weren't great parents, and I know we let you down growing up, but we never didn't love you. If this man makes you happy, makes you want to live again, then go for it. But you'll always have us. You know that right?"

Penny hugged her mom tight, tears slipping into their collars. "I love you and Dad, too, Mom."

Wyatt smiled at his wife and looked around. "Okay, so, who wants pizza? We can watch the football game on TV."


	19. Chapter 19

**Penny has gone back to Pasadena for her treatments. Sheldon is still in Finland, at her request. He's not happy about it.**

Sheldon refilled Whack's water dish and gave the dog a pat on the back. He opened his laptop and saw there was a new message from Penny. His heart thudded hard as he opened it. He tried to be patient. He tried to be understanding and supportive, but they had been apart for two months now. Phone calls, skyping and emails were poor substitutes for having her with him.

_Sheldon,_

_I suspect you are sitting at the table, glaring at the screen. I know you are annoyed by my insistence that you stay there while I work through my treatments. To be honest, they are not easy on me. I am moody, tired and not the best company (as Stuart and Bernadette can attest to). But I need this time alone. I need to learn to (metaphorically) stand on my own two feet again. I know you love me, and want to help, but the truth is, I didn't like myself very much anymore. I don't like the way I gave up and let myself get so depressed. If we are to have a real relationship, I needed to find a way to be happy with me. Now, I want you to do something for me. I want you to go over to Karissa's apartment and ask her to give you what she picked up yesterday. It's something I had sent to Hyvinkaa for you. I hope you like it._

_Penny_

Sheldon sighed and finished his breakfast. Two weeks after she had left, she had sent him some photos she had taken of their four days together here. Three weeks after that, she had sent him a copy of Fullmetal Alchemist: Brotherhood on DVD. He had seen the show before, but until he watched it with Penny, he had only a passing interest in the anime. The note that accompanied it had cleared up the mystery of her fondness for the show. She had felt an affinity for Riza Hawkeye. Barely acknowledged by the man she had vowed to support and protect. The man she loved.

He stood and washed his oatmeal bowl and headed out of the apartment. It only took a couple of minutes to reach Karissa's place upstairs. He knocked and waited on her to answer, wondering what Penny could have sent this time. The door opened and Karissa smiled at him.

"Good morning. How are you today, Sheldon? Go away. I decided to keep her surprise for myself."

Sheldon blinked twice at her rapid talking before rolling his eyes. "Good lord. What did she send? Is it another dog? She's been talking about getting Whack a friend. If it is, you are welcome to it. Just don't tell her I said so."

Karissa stepped back and opened the door wider to let him in. "Well, it's not exactly a stray, but it's close."

Sheldon stepped inside and froze.

Penny grinned at the shock on his face. "Miss me?" she asked softly.

Sheldon moved faster than she was expecting and she gasped as he pulled her up into his arms. His mouth was demanding against hers, and she opened for him willingly.

He was sure it was a dream. A highly detailed figment of his imagination. But damn it felt so real! He could smell her vanilla lotion. Her lips were warm and inviting. An arm was wrapped around his neck in a familiar way. He clung to the illusion as tightly as he could.

Penny suddenly dropped away from him, and he gripped her tighter. She bit her bottom lip hard and looked apologetically up at him. "Sorry. I still can't stand, sweetie."

Sheldon looked her over carefully. Not a dream? Slowly he set Penny back down onto the couch behind her. She shifted slightly and pulled on his hands until he was sitting beside her. He opened his mouth several times but couldn't find his voice.

She took a moment to smile at Karissa as she left the room to give them privacy. "Okay, here goes," she said gently. "I'm never going to get full mobility back. I can stand a bit and walk a step or two with crutches, but my right leg gets weak quickly. I'm working hard to rebuild the strength in it. The left one, well, there's a lot of damage to the nerves, and it's never going to work right. The crutches are pretty much a permanent part of my life now. The Hep C treatments are working, and I should be free of it in a couple of months. The chances of it coming back are about 30%, but I think I can live with that."

Penny drew in a deep breath and smiled slightly at him. "So, do you think you're willing to take a chance on a woman with a severe limp, no job, too much stubbornness and an obsession with shoes if she promises to play Halo, steal your milk, sit in your spot, sing Soft Kitty when you're sick and love you for the rest of her life?"

Penny's eyes widened at the soft growl that erupted from Sheldon's throat. "I'm warning you right now," he said firmly. "I am incapable of letting you go again. If you stay, it's for good, Penny. You will marry me, and be legally bound to me for the rest of our lives. Do you understand that?"

Penny smiled confidently and pulled him closer. "I do."

**XXXXX**

Penny relaxed on the seat and rubbed her left thigh absently. When it was cold she tended to lose what little feeling she had in it. Karissa climbed up into the carriage and sat beside her. Penny took the cup of hot chocolate with a grateful smile.

"So, how are you feeling?" Karissa asked.

Penny grinned. "Tired, but good. The flight was longer than normal it seemed. Sheldon and Wyatt were excited to be coming back and to be honest, I'm just glad to be sitting."

"Leg hurting?" Karissa asked worriedly.

Penny nodded as she sipped the warming drink. "A bit. Cold weather always makes it worse, but I wouldn't miss this for anything. Besides, I have an ulterior motive for this trip."

"Something besides your husband and son sitting on Santa's lap and asking for the latest gadgets?" Karissa laughed.

Penny nodded and shifted to face the woman who was as close to her as Bernadette was. "I was hoping you might agree to come visit in July for a few weeks. You were telling us a few weeks ago that you were thinking of relocating. I was wondering how you would feel about giving sunny Pasadena a chance."

Karissa shrugged and sipped her own drink. "Sheldon said much the same last week when he called. I don't know, Penny. I've got family here, and even though I've become a bit bored with my job, it pays well." She grinned widely. "Well enough for me to afford those new gladiator heels by Manolo Blahnik."

"Bitch!" Penny exclaimed. She narrowed her eyes. "Okay, I've changed my mind. I don't want you in California. Any one who would tease me like that doesn't deserve to be godmother to my second child!"

Karissa almost dropped her hot chocolate. She looked Penny over carefully. "A new baby?!" she squealed. "Penny, that's wonderful!" she exclaimed as she pulled Penny into a tight hug.

"Penny? Are you okay?" Sheldon asked as he hurried over a couple of minutes later. He picked up his two year old son and placed him in the carriage before turning back to Penny and Karissa who were both crying, arms wrapped around each other.

Valto looked up from feeding one of the ponies a carrot with a huge grin. "They're okay, my friend. Just happy about the new baby."

Sheldon relaxed and smiled warmly at the two women. Five years ago, he had been a wreck. He had not known if he could recover from the way he had been betrayed. It hadn't been easy. He and Penny both had suffered a great deal. But they had emerged better people for it. He sat down and pulled Wyatt Anthony into his lap. He settled back and listen to his son tell Penny all about Santa, the elves and the reindeer.

Things weren't always perfect with him and Penny. He was still overbearing at times and she was still stubborn. When they had returned to Pasadena after his contract with the lab was up, she had found a job as manager of Stuart's shop after he decided to devote more time to his art. Stuart was fast becoming a big name in the art community, much to the delight of his wife. Stuart and Bernadette had been astounded and pleased to be named Wyatt's godparents.

He had been offered the position of head of the physics department after Gabelhauser left to take the position of President of Texas A&M. With Leonard, Howard and Raj gone, he had accepted. The last he heard, Leonard was back at his mom's house working as a researcher for a science magazine, Raj had returned to India where his parents had helped him fund a small observatory and Howard was teaching computer classes at a high school in Burbank.

Penny still felt self-conscious about her disability on occasion, but she was always quick to point out that it had been the turning point for her. She said that if she hadn't been shot, she might never have reconnected with him.

Life was uncertain and sometimes difficult, but he wouldn't change a thing. Everything they had gone through had led them to where they are now. The happiness he felt, and that he knew Penny felt, had all been worth it.

* * *

**Okay, my dears. That's it, the last chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with this through all the anger, tears and worries. I know a few have suspected I wrote a lot of this from personal experience, or at the very least a slightly similar background, but to be honest, I've never been in Penny's extremely stylish shoes, or in Sheldon's. **

**I have never been to Finland (but I'd love to go). I have never tasted a cloudberry (even though I REALLY want to). A few of you asked "Why Finland?" and well, it's because that's where Santa's Park is. I first heard of the park from Bam Margera Presents: Where The #$&% Is Santa. Everything I know about Finland came from googling my little heart out.  
**

**Some wanted to know why Stuart and Bernadette. Well, the simple answer is, it's my story. The long answer is, it's my story and I wanted it that way. :)**

**And finally, no, Penny never does regain the ability to walk fully in this 'verse. Things aren't perfect in their world, but they have learned to accept the imperfections and make a life together despite them. **


End file.
